Wow, you had an argument with CEO!!!! That must have been so refreshing to let someone know and see that you are angry or displeased with them. No wonder you have such a crush.. it's stressful wondering how to word things and if you're creating pressure when interacting with the WAS... but with CEO you can be yourself..!
Lisa, I agree that a wonderful person like yourself should not need a doner... there are plenty of guys out there that would line up to be with you.
Thanks for the thoughts about me confronting H. I should mention that the three times I've called H on his confusing behaviour/the situation, things have become worse rather than better so confronting him now is unlikely to get me closer to my goal (reconciliation?). Jody said I shouldn't do it too, so I'll bear it in mind but may keep it as the LRT for me sitch. Make sense?
I managed to only think of my H about 4 times this weekend- very pleased about that! YAY!!!
I didn't see you there! Sorry!! It WAS lovely to be able to be myself and to have someone respond to it. The good thing is that I remembered that sometimes getting angry about things is OK; I hope it'll give me more confidence in dealing with H.
And I hope your house sells!! I have everything crossed
That's great, I have to say I thought about my h less too. Well, I thought about him but more in thinking about positive stuff, not beating myself up stuff.
I wondered if you could list some stuff so I have more info. Maybe you could list the normal stuff that you talk about (main themes) and whether this is positive or negative, or works and doesn't work.
What we talk about (All of these topics are 'safe' and continue the good interactions we have)
His work, My work (including amusing stories from the office) Football, Family TV, His hobbies, My hobbies Books, Food Our friends, His friends, My friends Interesting things I've done (eg the proms, films I've seen etc.)
Things we don't talk about (I've tried and got nothing/bad results)
What he does at weekends OW and his R with her
Things that work
Contacting him lightheartedly Being friendly Responding to him reasonably quickly Sticking to safe topics (see above) Him seeing me in groups with other people Being supportive and complimenting his manliness Having a lot of GAL to talk about Wearing a push-up bra Never mentioning OW Suggesting meeting up
Things that don't work
Withdrawing attention any more than dim Asking him questions about OW Asking him questions about his plans Anything even vaguely serious as a conversation topic
Things that sometimes work (and sometimes don't)
Compliments Spontaneous invites out Initiating physical contact Talking about naughty topics Mentioning compliments other men have paid me Asking him for help with things
Things I could try
Calling him on the phone in the evening (I don't in case OW is there) Asking him for more help with things (? tried this a couple of weeks ago and got nothing!) Initiating physical contact more (eg kissing him on the lips) Other things are more anti-DB in the sense that I've tried them in one form or another but have never gotten results, so they're not solution focussed (eg going dark, ultimatums, confronting him, calling him on bad behaviour)
He's a tough nut, my H! Given it's MLC I think there's an element of him working through things in his head, and also of not being emotionally available until he can get rid of the aubergine. Probably the best thing I should do is to keep up the compliments/validating/making him feel manly, and try to reduce his guilt.
Having said that, I'm not going to initiate contact this week; I'll leave him to do it as he didn't reply to my last e-mail, and I also sent the last text message. It's definitely his 'turn'. Also he may need cave time since the last couple of times we've met there's been 'big eyes' at least part of the time. One can only hope he was reminded in doing that that he loves me!!!!
I am just lurking but reading your last post made me think maybe it's time for me to have my MLC albeit I,m a bit late. People are just so nice to you, no questions, no expectations, just generally being treated with kid gloves--yes I could definately live with that.
Hey Lisa, I can tell you are 'afraid' to go dark.. (have you read the bit in the book which says, if they refuse to stop seeing them, your last resort is to go dark!?? I was reading that today and it made sense.. but then, your H is sort of flirty with you).
How long has it been now since he was flirty/snogged you? Or kissed you on the lips? He always did hold your hand, so we wont add that one, but has it been a while since physical contact of the other kinds?
So I like your plan of leaving him to recover from his holiday and let him email you. It will be interesting to see how much info he gives you about his holiday.
You are doing ace though, as usual ! Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
