I agree 100% that you never stop DB'ing...because to do so would mean your MB'ing (marriage breaking)...the changes you make (should always be for yourself) should be maintained, GAL should always be maintained...it is healthy to have a life and be happy with yourself...it takes the pressure of the other person...where it shouldn't be in the first place.
Does W have a cell phone?...Maybe in the future it would be better to arrange to call her at a certain time when she is out and possible drinking to verify if she has obtained a safe ride home or if she would like you to drive her...if she doesn't answer as can happen in a noisy environment then a personal visit would be in place...I would avoid bringing up "that you are not checking up on her" because that puts the thought out there and just because she took it good this time another time she might feel differently...like you don't trust her, view her as irresponsible, almost being parent like to her instead of being her H...I totally understand your concern and it is totally valid...but keep the thoughts and excuses for your actions to yourself...and work out ways to give her the opportunity to request your assistance...
My marriage has been saved...it is very important that I constantly maintain the positive changes that I have worked hard on for myself...it is vital that I keep GAL...it is vital that I can trust my H...allow him is GAL...allow him is personal time... communication is also very critical...I also believe there is a time and a place to discuss how you might be feeling about certain issues...if there are concerns that are creeping back in...find out how my spouse is feeling...how he is viewing me...is feeling safe with me...feeling in love with me...has any constructive critism that would help us to keep advancing as a couple...and vice versa...we keep things non-threatening, not accusing, and in a positive light with the intent of bettering ourselves personally and as a couple...
We make time for each other to have our "alone time"...we might go to a movie, to dinner, a concert, or to the beach...we make time to spend in our own interests, and we make time to spend as a family...this is working wonderfully for us...there is always room for improvement but I think we are at a place where maintaining is a good thing...
If you find my archived posts you will see what a mess things were with us...it is now 4 years post-bomb...7 years post-MLC beginning...I think I can safely say that he is now through the MLC and back to his normal self with some good improvements...
It is a long road...whether it is smooth or bumpy really depends upon how you choose to navigate the road...avoiding pot holes, dips, and bumps along the way...you can make jerky drastic moves that throws everyone around in the car...or you look just far enough ahead to gradually make the adjustments to that the ride is much smoother...same road, same obsticles, different feeling in the journey...depending on how you steer the vehicle!
Sounds like things are going well...and I think it is always best at this point to really start looking forward with positve thoughts...this creates positive actions and outlooks and it pick-up on by our mate...making things more positive for them...
