Thanks so much, Tal, Gypsy. You are so sweet and wonderful.
Tal, W is still very good to my S's. She does try to be a good mother to them, and for that I am so very grateful. She could very easily be even more like her own mother, abandoning her children altogether to pursue her own selfish ends.
It is a dual edged sword in her current condition however -- W is still a protective, loving mother, but that doesn't stop her, in her hedonistic selfishness, to rationalize all kinds of sins against their father, even to seek his ultimate removal. She will bear false witness against me for her own ends and try to justify it as "protecting" her S's, not seeing the truer harm she does to them in the process.
And as long as she sees me as her chief obstacle in her reckless pursuit of her "happiness", she will continue to do much harm in that regard. I have to somehow maintain a balance between the harm she does to their father (me) versus the harm our S's would suffer were she not trying to still be their mother.
I plan to go to the house today to shoot some last photos of the magnum opuses I painted there. I will post some of them in the alternate universe when I get a chance. I will also need to hunt for a new apartment since I can no longer afford the current one.
Those paintings, as I posted on the other "planet" are so beautiful. you have so many talents, can i rent you???
Seriously, i am glad to hear that she is good to the boys, but i don't like what she is doing as far as your relationship with them. ya know if My h and i didn't make it, or don't make it whatever, i would never ever say or do anything to make them change there opinion of him. as much as he may have hurt me, they still love him and need him as a father and i would never do anything to sabatoge that. so yes, she is doing harm to them by trying to alienate you and SHE's the one who had the affair.. WtH???
Anyways, I have no doubt that you will be able to find love in the future, you have so many things going for you, trust me.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Yes, Sherwood. I would bet my 15-year old niece would have been there at the game then. I'll try to remember to ask my brother when I call him tomorrow.
nc.. was at target yesterday, and picked up S2 costume for Halloween, yes lightning mcqueen, he about had a heart attack when he saw it. He's so cute, he just loves cars! S5 couldn't care less about them, he's going to be harry potter and Im going to be Hermione.
he he.. again love the paintings.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
so yes, she is doing harm to them by trying to alienate you and SHE's the one who had the affair.. WtH???
It is, sadly, all part of the WAS playbook.
Hi NC..........
Yes unfortunately EVERYTHING she is doing is part of the playbook especially making you the fall guy and excusing her affair. Afterall, you were the reason that that evne happened. It's a tuff pill to swallow but that is how it seems to go.
Bruce (Dogma) wrote that we give MLC too much creedence for their actions. Sadly I do believe that this is right. It's only now (16 month post divorce) that I am honest with myself and recognize that there has always been an element of selfishness in ex that for whatever reason, I chose to ignore.
All you can do is be there for your boys. Don't allow yourself to be excluded, and more importantly make sure that she knows this in no uncertain terms. As far as school or extracurriculars are concerned, make sure that their teachers and coaches know the situation so that you are privy to the details of their lives. They only win if we allow it!
Hi, NC! Hope you're weekends ok and you're not working too hard!!! It's such gorgeous weather now, at least where I live! Hopefully your area too!
Your W sounds kind of passive-aggressive sometimes. Sometimes overtly aggressive, but sometimes that passive-aggressive. I think my H does that a lot too, does'nt discuss stuff that bugs him (with anyone), lets it build up and then it leaks out in a passive way or he explodes sometimes. Think they need to learn to deal with their emotions in a positive way, but they haven't yet if ever. Just best to keep that in mind and try to stay away from the toxic people as my C suggests. Good for you for attending that meeting although your W was obviously trying to get you to stay away!!! (((((NC))))) Karen
Hi, Tal, I think I mentioned that S3 is charged up over the Transformers Bumblebee costume that w got him for Halloween (he tried it on Monday night and I almost never got him to take it off!) S7 was Lightning McQueen the first year the movie came out. And S3 went as Mater. Those two have loved Cars to death. (I can bet they watched the DVD at least once or twice on the way down to MS, along with Finding Nemo and other Pixar movies.)
I now need to somehow find an Optimus Prime character costume for S7 before Halloween or there's going to be h*ll to pay.
Hi, Bethie. Yes, I don't think a MLC or any psychological/emotional disorder is any excuse for some of the frak these WAS put us through. But like you said, we just need to focus on those things we can affect and not worry about those we cannot. I think by now W realizes I am not just going to slink off and abandon my children just because that fits the asinine image she now has of me. In fact, I think that has been a major source of her ire against me, that I refuse to comply and conform to the mold she's dreamed up for me.
Karen, I agree. Much as I catch myself bemoaning the loss of the beautiful, loving woman I remember from years past, I have to remember to resign myself to the fact she has turned into her own mother -- shallow, broken and selfish -- a sad, bitter woman full of toxicity, and thus not the person I ever wanted to be with, in the first place or ever.
W did take my S's to visit my mother today. I need to call my mom tonight to get a report of how it went. However it went, I am thankful W agreed to do so.
After church this morning, I went back by the house for yet one more load of boxes. I don't think there's much left now. But W still has a lot of her stuff under the eaves -- she has a lot of nerve demanding I clear my stuff out of the house when she hasn't done so herself.
Unfortunately, I stubbed my toe real hard while I was there -- I may not have quite broken it, but I jammed/sprained it awfully bad. It's swollen and purple now. I can barely hobble around. Tried to walk the dog this evening and had to cut it short due to the pain. Ooouucchh. I started to think of the pain and trouble W has put me through in the last year or so, but I caught myself -- this sprain in particular is my own stupid clumsy fault.
I can feel the pain and that smarts! I hope it's better by the time you go to work. For a woman it's not such a big deal but unless you wear sandals to work you could have a problem.
My girlfriend used to tell me that when ex got ugly to think about projection and how he probably projects onto me the very things he hates about himself.
