Things between us have been good. He was spending alot of time here, we were still having s*x pretty regulary, still lost but like there was still a chance.
Now, he is cordial. He's around but seems to be more like a "business partner". He calls but it's only for "business". We haven't had s*x in over 2 weeks. Thought maybe we'd get together last night, no, he just blew me off. I thought maybe he was going through depression/withdrawl so I haven't pushed an inch, was letting him steer the boat, now I'm not so sure.
Three things I think could be going on... 1) He is taking time alone to really figure things out 2) He IS still seeing OW and has made the commitment to himself to not be with me anymore 3) He has decided that we are through and is completely done with me except for farm and girls
If only he would just talk to me. Tell me what he's feeling. Tell me what is going on.
Before you all jump on me. I am just venting here. I haven't said a word to H. He knows nothing of what I am feeling. I really am leaving him alone.
Last night was a tough one for me. I am missing him something terrible. I am so lonely I can't stand it. And none of this is out of "habit" anymore. It is me. I really really HATE being alone. I hate not having H in my life to share my days with. It does not matter what I do to keep busy, to learn to accept, to keep my mind from him. He is always there. Like the song says...
I've talked to friends, I've talked to myself, talked to God I've prayed like hell I still miss him I've tried sober, I've tried drinking, I've been strong, I've been weak but I still miss him It's like a door that never closes He's so deep down in my soul I don't know how to do this
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
