The previous poster is spot on. Please change your name.
Women are not attractive to male "victims." This includes your W.
It's been forever since I've posted but neither here nor there. Got sentimental for the SSM BB as a single man and came home with one too many pinots in the belly.
Good chance I won't follow up so don't be offended, my friend.
She really is not interested in sex, and in fact, doesn't even want to discuss the subject.
It has been 14 years since this started. Is my marriage a fraud? I really don't want to give up on my marriage. I take my vows to my wife, and to God, seriously.
- No. She love sex. She forgot she does because you are showing nothing but weakness. She does not want to have sex with a weak, passive, self-loathing man. Yes, I'm harsh, but you need to snap out of your victim mentality.
No she won't discuss sex. Of course not. Too icky for the F. They would rather be lead by a strong male who takes control without verbiage. One who is confident and thinks he is a good catch for her.
Don't you know all human communication is 93% body language and tone and 7% spoken word?
Your M is not a fraud. Otherwise she would have left you long ago -- believe me, I know.
I have tried being a good husband. I has never cheated on my wife, and always been there fore her. I have ceded much of the control of our family to her. She decided what home we live in, what car I drive, what money we spend, where our children go to school.
- And this is your demise, laid right out in black and white. Your subconscious is telling you as much and that's why you're agitated.
Ever heard of The Passion Paradox? PhD wrote it. You see, basically he discovered the linkage between love and the feeling of lack of control. They are linked resolutely. The chemicals that feed the feelings of "love" are the chemicals that likewise feed the feelings of being "out of control."
Hence, if your W understands consciously or subconsciously, that you are there for her no matter what, in any circumstance, then her F brain gets bored and is actually mad at you for being such a lack of a challenge. Total control. Boring.
I know because my x ejected me from her life for the same reason ... why, who wants boring reliable me when there are so many alpha males with "edge" out there?
You're not "juicing" her. Start getting mysterious, friend. Pick up something new, find a passion.
But again, I have been extremely passive in our relationship.
We stopped having sex when I was in my 20's. I am now in my 40's, and not getting any younger. Maybe the time has just come to completely give up, and live out the rest of my life in this position. Quite honestly, I would almost prefer this, then another humiliating episode with my wife.
- See? You are telling yourself you are passive and your "man's man" inside is hating you for it. Your W is rapidly losing respect for you for being weak. But she loves you still. Dilemma. Therefore, her only option is to kkeep loving you while turning off her sexual attraction for you -- because that part of her is only attracted to a man who leads.
If you were just dating she would have already left you ore started Fing someone else by now. Harsh, yes, but factual. She's not happy that she's the "man" in your R. Again, yes, it hurts but you need to understand this.
START LEADING YOUR R.
I feel like such a loser. Maybe that is the reality of the situation, and I need to accept it.
You are not a loser. Just frustrated. Be the man she fell in love with. Dangit! Why do so many Ms forget that devil-may-care guy???
That's who they fell in love with!
Take charge, Mr. pathetic. If she only cares about money then find a way to make more and see if you still want her as a part of your life. If she just cares about a paycheck then think about your options in terms of ejecting or keeping her.
Stop making her the center of your universe. Make her a part of it that you want along for the ride. I'm telling you, Fs hate to be in charge of the relationship. They, for the most part, want to know they're with a man who can protect them and take care of them without much decisionmaking on their behalf.
Be strong, guy, you can do it.
Don't let her see any insecurity or weakness or self-loathing. That's a huge turnoff.
(Who is sick and tired of seeing the feminization/emasculization of the American male.)
The difference between a warrior and an ordinary man is the warrior views everything as a challenge; the ordinary man views everything as either a blessing or a curse.
-Yaqui shaman Don Juan-
...and that holds 2x true for nice guy wussies, DJ
