Yes, the last time I spoke with his C he believed he showed signs of depression. There were times during our hardships where he would be happy one minute, five minutes later crying, balled up on the floor, saying he let me down and messed everything up. He recently admitted he felt like he doesn't deserve my love. On occasion he would say he continuously feared I would leave him, even when things were good.
My husband and I have been married for six years, together for nine. We have lived together for most of our relationship. We were always very strong and most of our friends and family are shocked and confused.
ITH - I do believe this is a combination of depression and MLC. I am living by the mantra "don't believe what you hear." Really because his thoughts can be all over the place. If I did, I would go crazy.
I haven't always been able to remain calm during his outbursts and our arguments. I am making a serious effort right now to not talk about R. We talk about our daughter, the move and that's it. I am feeling better about it. His therapist confirmed I should also continue to tell him we miss him and love him.
We had a bad week last week, but things are turning back around. The stress the move got to the both of us and we had a blow out. We both said things we shouldn't have and he expressed he is going through some serious heartache, heart break and sadness. He says he has no one to talk with and doesn't want to burden me with his pain. He also said (in anger) that he cares for me very deeply, loves me, misses me, is dealing with the loss of our relationship, but doesn't want to be my husband right now and is not sure that will change.
I mentioned I still have some hope and he got exasperated. I said his actions and the move gives me some hope, whether I will act on it or not. He said how could the move give me hope. I question why he would think him staying in Cleveland would give me hope. Nothing he says makes sense.
He says he knows he is messed up from his childhood, likes his therapy, but hates some of the things it conjures. He feels he might be so messed up he may never have a good relationship. This makes me sad because our relationship was good for 8 1/2 years. And he knows it. He says he has no idea why he can't make it right in his head to try harder and hopes therapy will help him come to that conclusion. He apologized (and sounded frantic when doing so) that he couldn't try harder to save our marriage. He wants me to take some blame in this, and I do for our issues, but not for this heartache.
I am also working on myself. I admit that I have things I could improve and was showing him I was changing. He noticed, but was getting frustrated he couldn't change his feelings overnight.
Not sure what to think of all this. I say if he feels all this why isn't he getting a divorce. He says partly because he promised me, partly because the therapist says to wait and partly because he doesn't want to act rash (again, cause he says you never know).
Since then, he says he is fine, he is not going to do anything and sounds ok. But I know that is not the case as he is sad inside. I know he is mad for me taking my job, even though he told me to. He said he thought our time apart would be temporary and baby and I would go back. He never said that to me before.
I still believe he is faithful to our relationship and realizes another person would only complicate his already stressed out life. He is very close to his sister. She and I have been speaking throughout this. She spoke with him and confirms this from his conversation. She said he respects me and our marriage too much to do something like that. Plus he is leaving town in four weeks...
I spoke a little more with his sister last night. She filled me in on a few things they discussed.
I asked if he is OK with this big move coming up. Right now, we have only seen each other once during the 10 week separation. She said he sounds good, excited and even a little relieved. I mentioned I am getting the feeling he realizes he needs to get away from this environment.
She agreed. She said he thinks about the situation more than he lets on, does not go out as much as he lets on. She also said he thinks it will be quieter in his new town, less to do. Less distraction. In so many words he said this move will allow him the opportunity to really think about things without distractions of friends, etc. She and I both agreed that this is very positive. That he is willing into invite this into his life. I told her I don't know what to do with this information, but I feel good about it and it validates things.
I truly believe from my gut that I will be the one to make the final decision on this relationship - no matter which way it goes. I expressed this to my therapist and she also agrees with me.
What I am seeing here is he is not himself, and there is nothing I can do to control it. It his in his head, his thoughts, and it is possible that he may not be able to control it that this time. His family and I hope that removing him from his current situation will give him some space and clarity. Do you think I am on the right track?
