You are so open with your feelings here... it is really inspiring. I'm sorry to hear that H is still cycling, etcetera.
one thing I picked up from your threads... how the drama isn't you, and sometimes you just want to run away from him, and how you can't wait to get out of your joint house and into your own place... what in your life is bringing you joy right now? I know that in the midst of all this crap even what brought us so much juicy joy before can become so so bleak and empty. But, what in your life is lifting you up, filling you up, making you want to dance and shout? I am sorry, I think I give this advice over and over to everyone here including myself... but I want you to have something to be excited about, that fulfills you and satisfies you! What would be five tiny steps you could take towards that? I am sorry if this is annoying. I want you to sparkle and shine!!!!
