Frank, I rarely get over here but saw your thread. I completely get why it hurts you to see her acting like everything is A ok and she is happy to see you. The thing to remember is that she is not thinking like you, in fact you do not know what she is thinking at all.
All you need to do right now is take one step at a time. I know you are a guy but the anxiety worries me. Do you have an outlet for your feelings besides the board? What are you doing to take care of yourself? Would you consider a hot bath? Really, I mean it. Do you have time to exercise at all?
I went through what you are going through now emotionally for 2 years. I got better over all but at that point enough was enough and I started antidepressants under the care of a psychiatrist and and clinical psychologist. It helped and I have been off the ADs for a long time.
Men demonstrate clinical depression in different ways from women and I wonder if that is where you are. I'm not a doctor and would not want you to think I am. But being overwhelmed by anxiety and pain is not a good place to be and I hope that you can get to a better place soon. Wonder
