Q&A with the WAS

[Bridgestone]

(( Bridgestone))


Truly WITH ALL DUE RESPECT to you and your stich, you said you came here to find his playbook. After being here and writing and reading things on this forum, do you want to reconcile with H now?

No.. not as he is. But that is different then where I was when I came here. When I first came here, I didn't want him no matter what.

Have you change your mind about what you want to do about your M/R?

To some extent. I was so numb & exhausted when I left that I was just trying not to drown. I wanted my interactions with my H to go away so I could surface & take a breath. During that time I think I recognized (even if just subconsiously) that I was throwing stuff away, good stuff, along with the bad. Probably why I waited...It took 6 months for me to regain any bit of 'normalcy' of me again. It took another 4-5 for me to begin to heal enough to approach H about trying to communicate in more healthy ways, even if just for the sake of co-parenting.

What I want to do about my R, now?? Part of me doesn't want it to fail - I have real issues from childhood with 'failing' (although being separated 15 months.. I think is a pretty good indication it has).. on the other hand, I don't want it to swallow me as it did in the past.

I am still working on me, trying to work with H on communication issues becoming more self-aware and self-loving.. which I hope will translate into a successful R.. with someone, maybe H, maybe not.

Please take no offence to my questions.

thank you for asking so kindly

Have the things you have read here made you think differently about your stich? If so what?

that I am not alone in my fears, in thinking the way I do about me, my R or my H. That angry abusive men can change, but their wives can not 'make' them... they have to want it and work for it. That I am worth it.

In addition, it sounds to me a number of WAS’s have changed there minds about walking away. Some even regret their decision and want “Do Overs “.

I would say some want do-overs as long as there are changes on BOTH sides. I would say rarely does a WAS want to or go back to the "same old, same old".

Sometimes it looks to me that tier pride get in the way.

maybe pride, maybe fear of that the price of retribution exacted by the LBS for their actions of leaving is too high, maybe the LBS just isn't enough 'as is' for the WAW to go back to, maybe people change & grow too far apart during a long term relationship and being comfortably unhappy is no longer acceptable.

We learn from wining, but we learn more from losing sometimes.

The title of my 2nd thread... Losing is a curious form of winning.. a quote from one of my favorite authors Richard Bach.

Peace
Bridge