my story

[Changed Woman]

Regarding the co-parenting thing...I wouldn't ask him to write it down. I think you should do it yourself and ask him to respond. If you have him do it first and then you don't agree with something he comes up with you will be in a position to disagree with him...not good if you are trying to keep the peace.

Now...My H was the same way...acted like I was a leper and couldn't wait to get away from me. As hard as it sounds...just let him stay away. If he is going to miss you he has to have a chance to see what it will be like without you.

Stay strong.

[123snap]

Interactions
Kids called last night, D was sad later in the evening and I reassured as much as I could and told her to call H if she needed to, she finally did and said she felt better after.

H came over this morning to get kids on bus, brief discussion about Thurs discussion about stuff we will be splitting. I asked if he was planning on eating here and he said yes if that was okay, I said fine. He is also planning on mowing the lawn. He accidently called me sweety, but corrected himself, I think it is kind of funny, but I think it means he is less defensive around me now, I think he was waiting and waiting for me to explode and bite his head off, I am not going to.

Had to call him today about the morning tomorrow, we chatted briefly again, he took our other house off the market, I am fine with that, I think it is the best plan at this time, kids will be most comfortable there.

I am hanging in there. Feeling overall a bit better, I keep feeling like such a loser though, I feel like I have a giant R on my chest for rejected and everyone is glad to see he got out from under me.... you know the drill. Need to get some more positive vibes going for myself.

J

[123snap]

I think the thing that kills me is I don't know if being nice is better than not talking to him at all. I feel like being nice and working to get along is the best thing for the kids, but I worry that it makes it look like I am cool with this whole separation/d thing, and really I am not. I have told him I don't want this and that I love him and want to work it out, I did that several times when we made this decision. Should I just trust that he knows how I feel and not worry if being nice makes it look like I changed my mind.

[Changed Woman]

Yes, he knows what you want...do not continue to tell him how much you want things to work. The pressure it will put on him will make him more resolute in his decision.

Continue to be nice...you don't have to kiss his butt, but be cordial it will make it much easier on your children.

I'm telling you I know how much you wait for every opportunity to interact with him...I've been there, but you've got to get some strength. The next few times he calls let your kids answer the phone and don't ask to speak with him when they are done. If you have things you must talk to him about get it all over with so you won't have a reason to need to interact with him. The longer you go without talking to him the stronger you will get and the easier it will be. If you don't get to a place where you are confident on your own you will never attract him back to you.

[123snap]

So tonight H came over to mow the lawn, have dinner and see the kids, we also were supposed to discuss stuff he is going to move. No issues with the stuff, he even said he knows this is hard and he is sorry.

The bad part he arrived with attitude, he didn't like what I had proposed for the kids, but instead of letting me know that he was defensive and basically arrived with attitude that I couldn't have it my way, and that I was trying to exclude him, not taking his feelings into consideration. We both agreed that we couldn't make decisions when we were emotional, he mowed, I of course cried during the exchange, and I stopped him mowing to tell him to come in to dinner, at first he wouldn't talk to me because he said he was too mad, that I was unreasonable, I said I didn't make any decisions, and we had to negotiate this, I wasn't just going to say okay what ever you want.... I said that this is very hard for me, he needs to remember that, I think he forgets that sometimes.

We ended talking it over some more, I decided that it would be okay with me if he takes the kids to his parents for a weekend in 2 weeks, I feel like I am letting them go into enemy territory though, I told him that, probably shouldn't have. We are still negotiating an agreement.

We did some other discussions on stuff, I said it is hard for me because he doesn't ask me anything about me, later he said he does care, but isn't going to prop me up anymore. He said I ask him the same stuff over and over, I said maybe I just need to hear things a few times.

Overall not great interaction, We have been separated for a week now, I am slowly getting better, stronger, but still have plenty of room for improvements. I give today a C and add a plus because I think we parted okay, not great but okay. At least not angry so that is good.

I know this will get easier, I hope to get stronger soon, I need to stop worrying and just focus on me!!! Not worry about the future

[123snap]

slept poorly last night, I can't remember specifics but I had dreams with h in them, and took forever to shut off my mind to fall asleep to begin with, my dreams weren't the happy kind.

I am over the stress, need to do some relaxation/letting go of the stress exercises I think.

just not happy with how the whole evening went. For the most part I think I tried to take the high road, but was emotional, of course, and that makes it harder. It upsets me that he always seems to come with negative approach, never tried to discuss, basically came at me saying no way.... attitude about what an unreasonable person I am, which isn't true, when we talk about stuff I try and understand and come around if it is reasonable.

hate this so much

it feels really dark right now, can't see any hope or light in the situation

[123snap]

well today is the day he is going to move out officially, he has a u-haul and is moving all his stuff. I think I am not going to hang around and watch. I trust that he won't take stuff he shouldn't and even if he does I think I could ask for stuff back if I really needed it.

I guess most of all I am numb. I have made it through the first week, feel like I am not bleeding as much. Just hanging on waiting to feel normal now.

Yesterday we had a convo in which he said people who support him aren't tearing me down, and if they were he wouldn't be talking to him. I guess that is a good sign.

I am still taking the high road as much as I can. I know one thing is he is waiting for me to blow up on him, I just sense it, and I am not going to, that is old me, I just don't feel that way, I know it wouldn't change anything or help so it isn't worth the energy. I guess that is my biggest 180, hope it makes him think a little.

[123snap]

Yesterday was hard, I got through it okay. H showed up I could tell he was emotional, he said he is up and down, sometimes hourly, he looked kinda forlorn, I asked if he wanted a hug and he said he was okay, and then he said we have to be careful how we support one another. ?? Wasn't sure what that meant, but I won't ask again.

He called in the evening and apologized for some of the communication issues, like I thought his dog would be gone, but he is still here, stuff like that.

Today he is taking the kids out shopping for a TV and hanging out at his house, he is going to bring them back after supper. House is very quiet without them. I am not looking forward to next weekend, they will be gone all weekend with him.

I had a thought this morning while getting ready for church, I was thinking "geesh Lord what are you trying to teach me, I got it be patient", then all of a sudden a thought popped into my head, maybe I am not the one being taught? It was an interesting idea, I feel like there is some truth to that. It doesn't leave me any place different, but is somewhat comforting I guess.

I think I am going to watch a girly movie.

[123snap]

I know I don't reply to others much, I am just trying to keep myself going at this point, hopefully as I make it through this fog I will be able to reach out more. I do appreciate the wisdom sent my way, I do read others stories and experiences and occasionally I feel like I have something to offer, mostly I don't think I really know what I am doing so don't feel comfortable advising other.

Had a good interaction today, good for me, H called me this morning upset about something having to do with his dog, who is still with me, well this afternoon I told him that it made me angry that he said that stuff. He agreed with me and apologized, said he felt bad after he said it. So I stood up for my own feelings and didn't worry what his opinion of them would be.

[123snap]

time for a confession.

I keep saying that I am focusing on me and school and my kids, but today H had a sad thing happen to a friend and I thought maybe he would I don't know I guess be nicer toward me, feel closer to me. Well I just talked to him and he was so cold on the phone. I hate that, why am I hanging on his mood again, I am not supposed to do that. I think I am looking for the "change" and it isn't happening, course we have been apart for only a couple weeks. I think there was a thread about expecting changes too soon, well I think that is me. I need to cool it.

disappointed in myself