IRMAT, I was never scared of what my h was doing and ended up doing, nor of the future. I was more confused, hurt and in pain for the irrational behavior, the lies, stealing, etc. I was and still am very independent and didn't have to rely on my xh for providing for me and the most important thing for me was that I didn't have children that I had to worry about because their father wasn't there for them.
The main goal that I had was to protect my assets and ensure that the financial side of things had been taken care of. I was in a fight to keep him from spending everything we had saved and from destoying me in the process. When you are in that type of fight for survival, you do not have time to be scared...you go into survival mode and focus on what is important.
You know what? I've never looked back and wondered about the "what ifs". My thoughts are..life's a journey...you have a one ticket to use...use it to the fullest, do what you can, control what you can and be the best that you can be. If it's meant to be that your spouse return, God will see to it. If not, he's got another plan for you, one that is better than you can imagine. It all takes time, patience and faith.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
