That is so sweet. you are so lucky to have a dad that you are close with. Really, its rare for people our age. my dad was go to work not say a word kinda dad.. don't get me wrong he would be there if something serious happend to me, but not emotionally. he was totally absent. and it is wonderful that he is going to help you, that makes me feel so good for you. that is sad that you mom is feeling this way, i hope that your stbx realizes how important it is to have her grandparents in her life.
Im glad that your parents are supportive of you, that makes things a whole lot easier for you knowing you have them. both my parents are opinionated, and i couldn't tell them a thing. don't get me wrong i talk to my mom every day, but i don't tell her things she can't handle or things that she wouldn't be open minded about.
Anyways, stick to the plan, i have faith, and i will be praying for you.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Hey hon, allow me to play devil's advocate. My stbx was also barely a father to the kids, the year before he left he'd barely spent 1hr with them per day or look their way.
When we signed the sep. agreement back in March he asked for joint custody and 3x a week with them(which in my state is different from physical custody) I agreed, not because he was a great parent or because the thought of my kids near crazythen-ow didn't make me physically ill, but because for bad or good, he is their dad, they kids needed to see him and have him in their lives.
Babe, I don't doubt you are a great parent, perhaps the better parent, but your little girl needs him--and legally even if you tried you couldnt' stop ow from being around them (I checked into that back then).
He actually wants her around, despite all the stupid @ss decisions he's made he actually wants to be a dad to her.
Think about this ok? he doens't deserve her, but she needs him in her life, she already has a great mom i know, but she still needs him as her father figure.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
cat - I know that she needs her Dad in her life. Trust me.. I know this.. I certainly don't want to deny him time with D5. It's just that the poor child is exhausted during the school week when she spends time with him because he doesn't seem to know that a young child needs more than 6 hours of sleep! I don't want to deny him time with her - just limit overnights with her during the school year. It seems like legally everyone gets so hung up on how many overnights each parent gets..
hmmm, how many overnights does he get now? due to stbx's schedule he gets kids on his days off , mon and tus, and every other Sunday, that seemed reasonable for me. At what time does he put her to sleep? does he keep her up after 10pm? I know how frustrating it is not to be able to do anything about an issue when they have the kids. Would he compromise in some way about her schedule, can you think of a way to meet him halfway?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Stating his case to me that he is a good Dad and knows that D5 needs structure and he can give her that. I don't buy it. He's never been a 50% Dad in the past.. Why should he get to now?
LO, I know how you feel. My X also expected 50% custody after barely being a parent for most of their lives. He was involved in the things he wanted to be, like coaching, but never took care of their needs. In the last few months that he lived in the house but was deeply involved with the OW, he didn't come home til long after they were in bed, and when I said something to him about it he told me they needed to get used to not seeing him. Then he expected a 50/50 split. I guess his OW (now wife) even told someone she and her boyfriend were going to have to get a bigger house because they were going to have 6 kids living there.
We ended up having a guardian ad litem (attorney for the kids) involved and she talked with both of us then came to my home to see the kids in their natural environment. She came over and D17, D9 and S8 were all jumping on the trampoline and having a good time. She saw that they were doing well in their home as it was. X tried to fight for more time with the kids, but I resisted, and I was supported by the guardian ad litem. He still has decent time with them, and from what I hear, the kids spend most of that time playing video games and taking care of themselves. I have never tried to interfere in the relationship he has with the kids, it is up to him. All I wanted was stability for the kids, and since i had been the primary parent for years, that seemed logical to me.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
All I wanted was stability for the kids, and since i had been the primary parent for years, that seemed logical to me.
Exactly what I want! And, exactly what I have been! I think that the custody evaluator will look at the same stuff that the guardian ad litem did in your case. I had just hoped we wouldn't have to go that far and that somehow he would come to his senses!
cat - right now he has her every other F/S and every W/Th he sees her but stays overnight at our home. And, yes.. sometimes in bed after 10:00. Her teacher has even commented on how tired she gets. Sooo, even if he had her every W/Th night, it still isn't his beloved 50/50. However, you have made me think about how I could possibly compromise and still maintain as much stability for school as possible... hmmm... I suppose an option is for him to have her every other F/S and every Th night. At least that school night is at the end of the week... I dunno... Have to think some more...
Funny thing is that we are agreeable on everything else.. Every financial detail.. everything.. Crazy..
Funny thing is that we are agreeable on everything else.. Every financial detail.. everything.. Crazy..
You're lucky that you agree on the other things. My X and I didn't agree on financials, and he used custody of the kids as his bargaining chip, plus the more time he had with them the lower the CS payment would be. I think he thought that I would agree to whatever he wanted financially rather than go to court over the kids, but I didn't give in, for me it was about the kids, not the money. I knew that I had always been the primary caregiver, I was the one who stayed in the home when he walked away to be with the OW. I didn't want to go to court because the kids would have been brought into it, but I wasn't afraid to go to court, because I knew my casewas strong. In the end we had the same schedule that we had been following from when he moved out, and it cost us thousands of dollars each. Sometimes I get so mad thinking about the money that was wasted in his effort to pay less monthly. At one point he filed for custody claiming I was mentally unstable and requested a psyche evaluation for me....which cost him (actually I bet OW paid for it) $700. What a colossal waste of money!!!!! From a man who will not contribute to his kids college, or establish college accounts for the two younger ones. It is amazing what levels of craziness and selfishness the WAS can exhibit.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
Olive- How are you doing????? You haven't updated us lately. I suppose you are busy with it being harvest time and all......how was your families corn crop this year????
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
