I would let my actions speak louder then words...in other words...I would show him that I am detaching...if he asked I would just say, "Since you are gone I am leading my own life. I need to find my OWN happiness, my OWN peace, and my OWN life...much like you are doing...for now my focus is on me and S...where it concerns S I will keep you informed, otherwise we both lead our own life."
As for leaving S alone...there were times that I had to leave S alone when he was 9, I taught him how to make phone calls to neighbors and relatives close by and asked him "what if" questions a lot...
I would have told H that S was concerned about being left alone and maybe until he was older and more sure of himself he shouldn't do that...not to mention the legal issues if S mentioned his concerns to someone else...like a school official...so for now it would be best to take him with you or see if a neighbor or friend could watch him for the little bit your out....
Just my opinion...
OH... and my H liked things bulleted...he hated long emails that were wordy, emotional, or repetitive...so I learned to do very short, bulleted, to the point emails for him...and it was much better received.
