He shared that the C he saw a year ago, told him that he needed to leave me, since I'm the only one he does this with, that the only answer would be to 'not be around me'. He was not willing to do that.
Hey Sweets, that sounds like a load of b.s. to me. That relieves him of the responsibility to change. What C would advise that ??? My b.s meter is going off. I think he's spinning the facts to fit his skewed reality.
I'm envious of you doing all that healthy cleaning. I want to plant flowers, but it's still a bit hot.
I got watching some TV with D 14, & the recliner & I "became one" for a while. I didn't realize how tired I was.
Hugs to you
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
that sounds like a load of b.s. to me. That relieves him of the responsibility to change. What C would advise that ??? My b.s meter is going off. I think he's spinning the facts to fit his skewed reality.
My thoughts too...
his choice..
It's been pretty quiet since last Saturday. A few quibbles about some financials, that's about it.
He is in his..
"I'm so sorry" mode, but his constant phone calling & texting is done. Other than him calling me about D being home sick the other day, there has been no contact I have not initiated about D.
I am in my 'keep busy & forget about it' mode. But have not avoided it if he has brought it up. I reiterated that it is unacceptable to me and I don't know what to do now.
And I really don't know what else to do. Too many variables to take into account and my head hurts thinking about the possibilities.
I overslept this morning... couldn't believe I was that tired.. well.. yes I could, just don't really want to admit that getting 4-5 hours of sleep per night for days & days & days is not sufficient.
I got a cut & color today.. major hair cut..
my beautician/colorist is a wonderful friend and she wanted to give me a cut that she said to reflect how she viewed me... fun, a bit edgy, professional, not much fuss & flutter. My D does not like it.. I'm think I do.. it's just different.. I haven't had bangs for years.... trying to get use to it.
Headed off to pick up my veggies from the garden coop I belong to... I think D & I will stop at Barnes & Noble for some browsing.
We have C tomorrow.. I cancelled last week since we had been so distant the week before we had not done the homework. I don't think I'll ride with him tomorrow though.
I don't trust him to be in a car with him alone for 4 hours and that sucks.
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
Keeping your distance from him is a great thing to do. Blaming you for his physical assults is just wrong and I am glad that you told him your boundries and are sticking to them.
Traveling 4 hours in seperate cars will be tough but well worth it if you do not trust him. You are giving him clear messages that you will no longer stand for his behavior and until he proves that he will not do that again I would keep contact to the minimum.
Thanks for the support everyone. I agree I need to enforce boundaries.
I struggle with how does he prove to me that he will not do that again, until we have contact on a regular basis?? Which, if I"m going to limit contact with him to reinforce a boundary violation, seems to put me into a catch 22.
I'm thinking baby-steps. An hour here or there, building up time slowly, as well as building up to touchy topics of discussion slowly.
Other thoughts? Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
I would see how he reacts to you driving to C alone. Then bring it up at C and after that do small amounts of time together in public places. Maybe meet at the mall or at a coffee shop but I would limit the time you both are alone together.
How long you keep these boundries is up to you but you must feel safe that he wont physically assult you again before you are alone with him for any length of time. As in all of this actions speak louder than words and his are speaking volumes right now.
You are putting alot of effort into this R and I hope that he is truelly sorry for his actions and seeks help for his anger but you can not do anything about him. You need to do what is best for you and that is limited contact for a while.
Take care of yourself, Go play a round of golf, try and take your mind off of this for a while you will need it after C tonight.
"I am willing to work on things with you. We have both agreed that what happened the other day was unacceptable. I feel very nervous when we are together as I worry that things will turn bad. I will not be spending long periods of time with you, nor will I be alone with you until I feel safe. I will spend time with you in public and for short periods for now. Will you do this?"
and maybe also.. "I want to work towards feeling safe with you but it's a 2 person job."
big hugs chica
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
