Wish I could read her mind (6)>>>>

[Forrest Gump]

You were a little late posting today.. did you get paralyzed by my analysis?

Or where you overwhelmed that I beat Bill.. and had something useful to say?

I gotta say.. Thanks Ndsmhelp. You have really shown your true colors with me poking fun at you. I have enjoyed our little chats a lot. I appreciate that you "see" the tone of the post's from me. That means a lot to me personally.. that at least you are getting something from it.

" I want her in my life.....and no matter how close she is, it is still the frustration of the unknown that gets to me the most....impatience again."

I like that sentence alot. I just want to point out that if you really look at what you wrote.. it almost sounds.. "overwhelming". Think about it like this.. Cool, Brisk day in March and you are standing on a dock near a river.. you take your shoes and socks off.. and stick your feet in. Refreshing! Then you decide to jump in. Now your clothes are all wet.. and you realize.. the water was really cold. Now you are just uncomfortable. What was refreshing became uncomfortable.. simply because you got too close.

Someone who wants to be close to you all the time.. can become oppressive. Or controlling.

"I have stopped the bad times and treat her right each day. Does that make up for what I have done in her mind?"

Maybe not. At the same time she has not "kicked you out". To everyone looking in.. you have won. DB'd it. To me.. you are still floundering around a bit.. and it makes the situation a little "iffy". To put it more bluntly.. I think until you have things.. your way.. we may keep seeing you posting. Understand and accept.. things will never be 100% your way. You gotta find the middle ground.

"I still have not given her the life she deserves, but would like to...more frustration...more unknown. I can give her glimpses and hints, but WE cannot plan a future together...unless she tells me SHE is planning a future TOGETHER. Most times the comments and innuendos tell me just the opposite of what you guys say her actions are telling me."

Well the option's become.. wait for her to say it.. or make it happen. You pretty much just said.. SHE is holding YOU back. You are living to make someone else happy.. that.. is not gonna work. Be happy.. and hope that "someone" wants to share it with you.

"She would not have put up with me for 20 years, or the last 6 months, if she did not see some good right? Is it enough? Will she ever forget, or forgive me for the bad."

Forgiveness.. is a gift you give yourself. She will likely never forget.. hopefully you don't either. It's OK to remember where you came from.. its not OK to go back to where you were.

"I am happy while we are dancing..it is the silence between the songs that gets to me. That is when I fear the "what if"."

I understand. If she asks you to dance again.. in all likelihood.. she did not see your "uncomfortableness" or she thought it was cute.

"Very long list. How much time do you have?"

A long time. But to be honest.. I don't want to see the list. I want to see you Doing Work!

"So, I guess I can't, right? I have to show her each day I am with her by my actions and words?"

Any questions?

"Who are these people? Are you guys talking about me behind my back?"

Its amazing.. what people can "see" when it is not them doing it.

Now...