I'm back after a long absence

[123snap]

we are going to officially separate

in counseling tonight it came out that he isn't interested in working on it at all, he said he is exhausted and done, so I said that he needs to move out then. So that is our plan.

I am sad beyond words

[Tipper]

123Snap,

I am so sorry to here this news. It is the hardest thing in the world to accept when you love him and want the M to work. I struggeled with the seperation, it saddened me to no end. I think I cried for about 3 days straight before and after the day we signed our papers for seperation.

We are all here for you. Take time to grieve but dont give up until you know you cant take any more.

My H acted the same way yours did for about two months before he finally left me. He said all the same things. Mine had an emotional Affair with a stripper during that time.

But now a year and a half later he wants to work on us. He came back to our M and told me he thought he gave up on us too easily and apologized profusely for the hurt he caused me.

I know my H and I still have a ways to go, but I am living proof that it isnt over until you say it is. Sometimes, you cant fight it and a D will happen. But most the time, our actions as DBers will be noticed by them and intrigue them to maybe try again.

Keep your head up and if you want to have another chance at your M, then keep DBing.
TIPPER

[123snap]

It has been a heart wrenching day, we told our son, and he cried, just like our daughter did last night. One difference, H took responsibility for wanting the separation, he didn't use we, he just said it was his idea. H had a IC session today so I suspect she told him he needs to start taking responsibility for the situation.

I need to stop trying to change it, I have cried off and on all day, and I am tired of crying, hurting, and feeling despondant. I don't want to beg, and I have been so close to begging him, I know it won't work anyway. I was looking for a little support from him tonight and it wasn't there, he said he doesn't want to give me mixed signals and false hope so he would rather say nothing.

I think I need to find a way to move forward without him, and cross any potential bridges when and if I come to them. Last time in my heart I felt like we weren't done, this time, I honestly don't know, part of me is done, I know he feels done right now, but we have so much good history, lots of great memories and good times, that I just can't let go all the way. Perhaps the best thing is to wrap that part up in a little box and file it away under "?" and then it will be there if I feel like opening it up.

Usually fall is my favorite time of the year, but now I am dreading all the upcoming events, holidays especially, no gifts for me this year. These are the kinds of self pity thoughts that are running rampant through my head. I need them to stop. I just don't seem to be able to get a handle on them.

I don't know how to let go

[BeingMe]

Hi 123snap! Without belittling the heart wrenching aspect of your sitch, because it really is. And it's natural to mourn the loss of the M in the beginning. Allow yourself this sadness for a time. But, for the sake of your children, don't dwell too long on these feelings. Your H has made his choice, and as much as it affects you and your kids, there isn't a lot you can do to change it. Except, focus on what you can control ... you! This is a time for self discovery ... a time to show your independence, strength, and courage. Find your sense of humour, sense of adventrue, and encourage your children to laugh a lot, and find the ridiculousness of this sitch. Because it is ridiculous ... your H has little reason to leave, but he chooses to, and he will regret this one day. He is leaving the best thing in his life ... his family. All you can do, is keep what's left together, and learn that life does go on, and it can be better, even without the H and father part of the family there. (Well, he'll still be there, but his role will change in a small way.)

Get the crying over with, close the door on your M (don't lock it yet, though), drop the rope of hope, and stand up strong and with an eye to the future. Remember, there are little ones watching.

Make sure you GAL for yourself ... even if it's just taking a half hour to flip through a magazine while having a glass of good wine.

Thinking of ya!

[123snap]

being me,

thanks for the advice, you are right in so many ways. I am doing better, I cried a lot, but am over that now, I am slowly getting comfortable in the new arrangement, even sticking up for myself on occasion. I am trying hard not to live on hope, but instead focusing on myself and my goals, getting better at that as well.

I do agree that he is the one with the problem and he needs to work out his issues if this is ever going to work out, I can't do that for him. so.....
maybe he will wake up, maybe not, either way, I am going to move ahead with my life and my goals.

J