Gosh NDS, I got a little dizzy reading that last post.
Can I try to sum up what I THINK you are saying? Then you can set me straight if I'm off the mark.
1. I'm not concerned that I will not survive if our relationship ends. 2. It does make me sad to think of our relationship ending. 3. I'm still thinking that it might be possible that I did too much damage for her to be willing to continue the marriage. 4. I HAVE changed, but I'm still not sure that she believes it will last. I wonder how long it will take her to believe, and if she will choose to end the relationship before she ever DOES start believing. 5. If she does choose to end the marriage, it will hurt and I will be terribly saddened, but I also will survive. I will be grateful that I can live the rest of my life knowing that I finally got it right.
Close to right?
Yes, that about sums it up. I was feeling a little "crazy" yesterday for no good reason, so I guess things were coming out a little crazy?
Quote:
If you KNEW beyond any doubt that it would take 9 more months of your current life together to get her to believe and finally announce that she has changed her mind, are you saying that would be too long? Or are you just expressing your frustration that you've been doing so well for the past 6 months and she's not offering the WORDS that let you off the hook?
Like I have said, more frustration than anything else. Of course I want to be let off the hook and work together with her on rebuilding. You guys say we ARE rebuilding, and maybe I am, but I do not get that from her...words or actions. Rebuilding to me would mean her working WITH me towards common goals, be they financial, relationship, whatever. Maybe that is my fault to some extent because I set the precedent for all the fun and party times, but if she were truly looking at the future with both of us in mind, wouldn't I see some sign of her trying to meet some of the goals we used to talk about before the bomb? Wouldn't she WANT to sit and talk about what each of us should expect for the future if rebuilding were even remotely on her mind? Or are these small signs her slowly reaching the point where she may want to open up about rebuilding?
Quote:
If you truly KNOW that you will survive and still manage to live a good life EVEN IF she chooses to end the marriage, why all the drama about where things stand now?
I love her and would like to have her in my life. I know detachment should mean not having all this drama, so I guess I am not where I need to be.
You are saying that by thinking I will be OK without her, I can't be hurt and sad (afraid) at the thought of losing her and not having her in my life? Those 2 feelings are mutually exclusive? If I was detached I would not have the drama?
Quote:
Your wife is SHOWING you, in so many different ways, that she loves you and is moved by your changes.
In the past couple of weeks you have shared numerous incidents where there is such a clear softening in her towards you. She really is showing you that she is beginning to believe in the new NDS.
You're waiting for the words.
And they are likely to be the last part to come.
Yes, and I suppose as there is more softening I will become more impatient. You know how close she has been since the camping trip..she went out for dinner with a friend last night and was home at 8, and she is going out with the girls tonight. There has not been much more the last few weeks...always around and we are always together.
I get used to it and think she is moving towards me and get to the point of expecting something to happen...and disappoint myself.....expectations....bad.
Have to finish up her at work. She will be out tonight so maybe I will get back on later and just update the last couple of days..things are OK...just feeling a little crazy I guess. Actually looking forward to an evening home alone.
