Just wanted to talk about my session with Jody, as sometimes these things can be really useful for everyone...
Jody said that in relation to the email, H is actually telling me exactly what he wants, and he is reading like a DB book. He is talking about going into stage 2, and about taking things slowly. She thinks he really does want to work this out, but is terrified of "backsliding", of going too quickly.
She says I really need to respect this, and continue to err on the side of not reaching out, but responding reactively for the moment. In terms of his earlier spew, she thinks he is going through some kind of emotional cleanse, and that he has made a lot of progress in the last 2 weeks, and is really softening to me.
I should respond to his email, very briefly, be positive about what he is working through, show that I get that he still needs space, and in general agree with all of the positives. I'll post my sample response later for review :).
Once in Dublin I need to let him set the pace, and see myself more as a seductress or mistress than a spouse for the moment. H is like a 17 year old boy rebelling against me, and as such this situation will be more realistic for him.
She also gave a metaphor about separation that others might find useful, in regards to kids being sent to their room. The first goes quietly, and after 15 minutes asks if she can come out, admits what she did wrong, what she should have done, and what she needs to do now. The 2nd is crying and begging and pleading, and the 3rd is having a tantrum and breaking everything in his room. The 2nd 2 kids are going to spend a lot longer than the first who goes quietly and uses the time to think...
She said be the 1st, and things will move more quickly.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
