Ouch! Ok guys that is going to leave a mark right where the 2x4 hit me in the head. This is why I value your Opinions and also Amy your unsite into MLC. I need to ground myself.
You people are right I am over analyzing everything. I know that I need to be patient but, this has been going on for a very long time (since the fall of 05 that I first noticed and I gave him soooo much space) I have only brought up R convo. a few times and that is when I have been confronted with things.(not from OW)I am tired and sick of still being lied to. He just wants it to be brushed aside.
He won't go to counceling or Retro but has a Dr's appt Tuesday and Im'e going to ask him to talk to Doc. about depression meds as he feels like doing nothing that he once loved to do. He can at least do this for our M I feel. If he won't I can't make him but, I will be detaching big time and will not let him reel me in again.
Amy I also have to say that even though I welcome your 2x4's and opinion (and that is why I asked for you) OW is just H's fantasy she has not initiated anything with H other than being his friend at work along with other mutual friends and I have had two of my friends that work with her verify this so I do not feel the least bit threatened by her now. I think she feels bad for what has hapened but, you are right I don't need to hear feedback from her (though I like to know weather or not H is steping over the only boundry that I have set. Your right WTF do I do with the info? The same thing I have been, driving myself nuts because I have it and can do nothing to change it. I have made it clear to H and in plain english what I consider that to be at our last R talk. I fell if he crosses these I have to act and not let him cake eat, I have done enough of that. So aside from crucial info regaurding this boundry of cards gifts and personal talk, contact I will not discuss anything with her.
If any of you think im'e still being an idiot just come and hit me with another 2x4 to keep me in line. I welcome your in your face reality checks. It may take a few of them to really make me understand as Im'e still learning to detach after all this time and my H makes it hard for me to do. He's no idiot when to comes to that, he knows how to manipulate me and im'e just attached enough to let him.
Funny I always though of myself as pretty independent and self confident within our M and now I feel like I am unable to find me, Who am I.
How can I be doing this for so long and still be so screwed up?
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
