Peicing but Angry and Confused.......HELP !

[native]

Been reading a book titled 'I love you, but I'm not in love with you". Interesting. A lot of insightful analysis into the falling out of love syndrome.

One thing the author said (who is a counselor), is that the person who announces ILYBINILWY is that they most likely don't know the meaning of love to begin with.

For this reason, the one who hears the confession should not be burdened down with guilt that the problem or failure to love was all their fault, but to be reassured that the other partner has some responsibility in having helped get the couple to that place.

I have certainly felt that to be true, but not had that thought validated so much elsewhere.

It helps to know that experts in this phenomena have recognized it.

I guess in our culture, when a married person 'dumps' another, with all the attendent reasons and justifications that they tell their family and friends, it can seem like the 'dumpee' is an awful person.

I get a real creepy feeling everytime I'm around her many 'single' friends with whom I know she has poured her heart out. I feel defensive and want to tell the other side of the story. I feel I have been denigrated behind my back by the very person I have trusted the most to defend my reputation.

In her mind, I am all to blame. She has told me point blank: 'You ruined my life !' so, as far as she's concerned she bears no responsiblity in her present depression/pain/misery.

Not too good.....