Thanks for checking in on me...I'm okay. I'm here, been keeping up with folks, just way too busy with too much work, school (taking a really tough class again this semester) and other stuff. And in truth, having a tough time figuring out how to talk about what's been going on in my sitch over the past month...
Can't sleep tonight so I'll start a little now; then work my way through. Sadly, the reason sleep eludes me is primarily that H is gone tonight to OW's for the first time in almost 3 weeks. 2 weeks ago I would have posted that I had some real hope that things might be moving in my direction...H had more-or-less (and it's turning out to be less now...) called things off with OW because [and my knowledge of what he's told her comes from the fact that i'm still reading his email] he had decided that he could not move forward in their R to a public phase because of his uncertainty about his trust of her (how ironic...) and hurting the boys. There followed about a week of virtually no contact; then some 'friendly' email and then significant phone time in the past week...and then tonight he's gone there.
Man, does this hurt...I had let down my guard some over the last few weeks, and now need to recalibrate my thoughts and decide what I want/need to do tomorrow and the next day and then the next...
S18 seems to be doing well in college; we all miss him a lot. H was most affected initially in terms of really missing/being worried about S18; wouldn't surpise me if that influenced his actions at the beginning of the month to suspend activity with OW. However, we were just up there last weekend for a really nice visit for Parents' weekend and S18 seemed to be doing well, which sat well with H. I was the one the most sad at leaving him this time...not out of worry for S18, but just that I miss him...
I'll stop for now and try to get some sleep...
Oh, and just for extra fun, we just started on a pretty major renovation in our upstairs and S12 and I are 'roomies' for the next couple of months!!
