Jayce's thread

[Jayce]

I HAVE been doing this since Labor Day Weekend, even in light of his scathing tantrum that Fri. about the sleep test. Which he did do, just HAD to try to scare me into backing off. So he's doing the same thing he's always done, but its SO not working this time. (It doesn't always anyway depending on what the issue is)

So far,the effects are noticeable only to the extent that he's less crabby and more friendly right up to the big fence around what he'll talk about or do (na na na na naaaa and you can't make me na na na na naaaaaaaaa) Even then I see some grudging about it at times. Even tho I've been upset since the weekend it seems it may have turned on the lightbulb. My being asleep when he got home & out of the house early means we've had no conversation at all for a couple days. Left no notes, no calls, living my life taking care of me. I culd repeat that tonite & tom'w, but not asleep sooon enough, obviously.

This short absence of contact worries him. (but not from fear of no more sex) It scares him when I stop talking, even tho he told me to. I don't believe he wants to live alone. He emailed me from work that he doesn't like living this way and we need to get to a happy "medium". "All our conversatons are one-sided." YA THINK?????? I'll bet then next time we have time to talk he's going to actually say something. And I'm not starting the conversation. We'll see where it goes, but not tonite. I'm whacked from little sleep last nite & riding early today plus I have golf tomorrow.

I don't have SSM anymore, was a libe book. Still have the How to Get Through book. Every one of the books I've read has a short, crushingly depressing chapter in the back about how sometimes nothing works and what to do then. Worst part of the books. He knows how this is killing me and exactly why. I'm hoping that eventually he'll relax and be left fearful of trying a new level of intimacy. Even if its only out of compassion for me. And if he tries it, I'm hoping he enjoys it. He doesn't deserve a life that lacks intimacy either. This "colossal goat f*** is for his benefit as well.