Well I stand-alone now. My therapist, my family, my friends, and my WAW, everyone. Am I that dense? Can I not see it? The more I think about following everyone advise the stronger I love grows for my W. I have never loved her as much as I do now! Even after all the things she has said to me. I guess I need something I can’t have.
The only thing I see is either file the D now. So I can get started building a new life, but then they all say wait 6 months to file. So I wait and hurt for 6 months. I hate coming home to an empty house. I hate being alone. I don’t want to date; it would make feel like I am cheating on my W & M. I know I need to GAL and maintan a PA, but its hard when you are standing alone.
VS~ 72 hour rule, do not make any decisions with in 72 hours, and big decisions such as a D...i put in the one week to one month rule...meaning i give myself lots of time to think...is this what I really want.
Your family, and friends are not the ones who will have to deal with the repercussions of a D...you will...you are not in this alone...we are all here!
FIND A NEW THERAPIST!!! my MD once told me, therapists/counselors are like blind dates, it may take a couple before you find one you kinda like...if you and your IC don't see eye to eye, why continue to go. It is why I stopped seeing my IC...she convinced me a D was the only way, WOW!! WRONG ANSWER!!!
Buy a paint by numbers and do it upside down...it will work the left side of your brain...or something like that...long story short, it will preoccupy your mind! and get it off of the emotional stuff it is going thru. by the books (DB/DR)and read them!! then re-read them, and then re-read them....they are great resources!!
((VS)) I know you are frustrated, but do not worry, you are not alone, take some deep breaths, and take it minute by minute....no body ever said it would be easy...they just said it would be worth it....that's what a wise man once told me! Don't give up...you can do this!! Stick to your vows!! you're not dense, you are a fighter!!! Fight for what you believe in, the sanctity of your M!!!
(((((VS))))) christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
You guys are great!!! ((Christarn)) I know I am being redundant. Thanks for sticking in there with me. You Too ((Suck808)). Both of you make me feel much stronger.
I can!! Do this!!
I have doing it for a few months and today someone sneezed and my house of cards collapsed. I taught my kids that Life is not always easy or is it always fair. I told them that they would need to get up one more time than life knock them down. I have practiced that all of my life… I guess I forgot for a time. Well… its time to put it back into practice. Thanks again for your encouragement.
Tomorrow is a new day. I am good now! Thanks for you help. I AM NOT ALONE ANY MORE knowing you are out there. I hope you get what you are working so hard for. I am here for you as well. That may not be much but I will be here at your side.
of course you can do it!!! We never have/will doubt that...damn that crazy satan for trying to play tricks on your mind!!! LOL!!
make cards hang them on your bathroom mirror....post as much as you need to. we are all here together...one big happy DB family
take care of yourself <--------- rule 1 after that everything will start to fall into place!
We all have bad days, and that is normal and ok...hang in there my friend! the sun will peak through the clouds and a bright new day will appear! Don't let anyone steal your joy!
(((VS))) christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
That's a great point. Sometimes it does seem that the WAW hooks up with someone quicker than their spouse sometimes. It could come from the fantasy idea of what they're ideal romantic relationship would be.
In the case of my wife, she still works with the guy whom she had the EA with. So even though she says that the affair is over, psychologically, I don't think she is. And that's what is stopping her from moving on and continuing our relationship.
Sigh, it is tough to try and outshine a guy whom she sees everyday and we have such brief interactions. I just wish there were a way to really 'wow' her to get her over the hump she seems to be in now.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
after that everything will start to fall into place!