You missed my point entirely. I didn't ask you to justify all of your complaints about your husband: I was already sure that you could do that. What I was asking you to do was to set them aside and practice accepting him JUST THE WAY HE IS.
For one week, bite your tongue and stifle any negative comment or complaint you are about to make to your husband. Swallow it. If you can't say someting nice, don't say anything at all. Instead, look for positive comments, compliments, or expressions of appreciation that you can offer to him.
And while you are at it, pick up your old copy of The Sex-Starved Marriage and read it again....slowly. When you get to Part III (for the HD partner), start thinking about what things YOU can do, goals you can set, what 180's you can potentially make (like the one I'm challenging you to try above).
I'm asking a lot, I know. But I also know that no matter how righteous and justified you may be in your complaints about your husband, that he will NEVER CHANGE using your current approach to him.
So in good Divorce Busting fashion, I'm asking you to stop repeating behavior that doesn't work, and try something new.
Good luck!
-- B.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
