Everytime you communicate with XW - you give her a reason to respond. She is not going to say anything that will in any way make you feel better or give you closure.
Communicating with her will NOT give you closure b/c she will respond.
XW wants to maintain a connection with you - every time you communicate with her - you will give her what she wants.
Every time you communicate with XW - you will keep the drama alive.
XW has essentially said she will stay out of your space UNLESS you let her know it is okay to enter your space. Everytime you send XW an email - it is viewed by her as an invitation to enter your space.
Anytime XW says anything - it will make you feel crappy. So do not take action that will enable XW to say anything to you.
Okay putting away 2x4 now...
I know this is painful and hard. I know you want XW to say things that will in some provide some sort of rationale reason or justification for what she did. The problem is that there is no reasonable rationale explanation - it just does not exist.
If you feel like emailing XW - post it here and wait 48 hours. Sometimes just writing down your thoughts is enough - that whole send thing becomes irrelevant.
BTW: And if XW asks questions like if it is okay to attend the retreat - just say "Sure - I am okay with it. lodo" And actually when it comes to not so high road stuff - that answer will bug her more b/c she will feel that she is losing her connection with you. And you won't feel like crap.
