I don't know if you still check here. I see that you began this post 9/3 but I just found it and thought that I would reach out.
I am the same age as you, although my H is younger than yours. Some of what you wrote here, and as responses to others, does sound like MLC to me.
My sitch is some different than yours, but some the same. In any event, you have come to a good place to vent and get good advice.
Originally Posted By: hope3343
He told me he is not in love with me.
Most of them say that. My H said that. Believe nothing that they say and only half of what you see.
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I have no one here to confide in since we know all the same people.
Come here to confide. The people here really saved my life! You will meet many wonderful and caring people. People that have gone thru the same things as you.
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He has recently started looking for furnished apartments.
My H did too. He also talked constantly of divorce. When he did this I would usually say something like I want you to be happy, but I do not want a D. Then I would go into another part of the house and get busy with something. For a couple of months it seemed that I was doing nothing but fleeing him in our own house. Sometimes I would say, I won't talk about this now, or I will discuss it with you tomorrow. Needless to say, that tomorrow never came.
Each sitch is different, but still, you don't have to give him permission to move out or to end your marriage. You don't have to help him do it either.
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I know this OW has had a strong influence on him and sometimes when he talks I know it is her words.
Oh yeah! My H had an EA/PA? with one of our friends. The W of one of his best buddies! I would often hear her words come out of his mouth. As the R became more intense, his actions became someone that I didn't even know. Very quickly I found that I was living with a stranger.
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he does not want to work on the marriage.
Again, my H said the same thing. He also refused to see a MC.
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I start to follow the techniques for a day then I lose my temper and blast him.
I did this too. Be patient and kind to yourself. This is terribly painful. Learn from each experience and then keep going. Keep reading the DR book.
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He is acting like a spoiled child racking up debt on his credit card
again, sounds like MLC. They often spend huge amounts of money. You need to look into protecting yourself in this area, if you can.
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It is difficult for me because I am a fixer and controller and now I feel helpless.
Most of the folks on this bb are fixers. That's why we are all here. It's not a bad thing, but you have to realize that you can't "fix" him, you can't control him. This is all about him. All you can do is work on you and be the best "you".
There are tactis that you can practice to help prevent him from drawing you into anything that you don't want to do....keep reading, and did I mention read the DR book?
This will probably be the wildest ride that you have ever been on. So buckle up. It will also probably be the hardest thing that you have ever done.
There are lots of caring people here to help you. So hang on and keep breathing.
Take care.
______________________ M 52 H 49 D 15 D 28 I'm not happy 7/26 [/quote]
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
