It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

Hey SMW,

Thanks for checking on me. I had a few slip ups last week. If you remember he is out of the country for a month. I started to get that old woes me thing going....the resentment that he is diving in beautiful waters, spearing good fish, playing golf twice a day.....(military dollars well spent)...and you know what he called me on it......good for him. He learned not to let it make him feel guilty, he let it slide for a few days and then spoke up for himself...(good for him)...and as hard as it was I knew I was guilty of acting that way....so I started acting as if....I was so happy that he was out doing great things and I was stuck at home in the dreary NW doing the kid thing. He only goes with the guys in his squadron and really whats he suppose to do when there's no work.....there's not much work.

Old habits die hard but I have a new one in place now (for 8 months) and I kicked into high gear. This is really the first seperation we have had since he has moved back home, so it only figures things would come up for me. This was when it would truly show I made change.....I DID IT...I admitted to myself and him that I was wrong and I changed my attitude. NOw, you must know that I never got on to him and talked to him ugly about it I just got real quiet during phone conversations and he would ask "what's wrong hon"? and I would reply in a slightly highter octave (you know the one, the manipulator, poor me voice) with "Nothing". Total guilt trip for him, I wasn't feeling good about it either....I don't know why I did it except to say I did it for 17 years and I think it use to get attention in the early days but got old afterwhile and I should have grown up and got over it all.....ooohh that's hard to admit....I have faults...ouch that one too.

I don't worry about "the other stuff" because I don't know why. I just feel like we really have figured out the problems and solved them and I feel confident that is a horrible part of our past.......and you know what? If I am wrong, I will be heart broken but I can survive without him....and do it happily, but I would rather live with him happily KWIM!