New Abbreviation for everyone IX

[hopeful4her]

You know I am now living in the after divorce world and my xh wants to be friends. Or he is trying to get me back. The jury is still out on that one. He calls me 4-5 times a day. I try my best not to answer the phone calls, but it is difficult because I hate having to let go of my marriage and the friendship we had.

Maybe he is trying to ask you for some more of your t-shirts.

Sorry, I had to.

Jeff, the letting go is so hard. I agree with Germ. She just has a lot of issues to deal with inside of herself. You CAN see you anger has subsided a bit.

And she messed with your mind. She is good at it. They all are.

Enjoy those kids. Yes, its hard, but imagine having them only every other week. I consider myself fortunate. Some guys get the everyother weekend thing. That would just absolutely kill me.

Keep the faith. I was watching John Mayer this past Saturday night. A concert on PBS. I gotta see him live.

Prayed for you and everyone else here on Sunday at church.

[JeffSTL]

Kat, thanks for keeping an eye on me, I do appreciate your effort and support, you along with so many people here have kept me on the path to recovery.

H4H And she messed with your mind. She is good at it.

Yes the I love you speech really put me in a tailspin, I saw the John Mayer PBS show also, well just a part, the second song after I turned it on was Dreaming With A Broken Heart and I couldn't take it, couldn't even make it through the whole song, so I turned it off. You are right I am very lucky to have my kids as much as I do, between the kids and you guys/gals here I'm getting through all of this - thanks H4H

whatdidido:. She likes having the kids love on her, but parenting skills are weak, doesn't like to discipline, doesn't like to do the "work" involved in having kids, etc. She has told me that she likes that she has her kids part time, she has more time to herself.

Wow whatdidido, spot on, I was always the one who had to discipline the kids, W does like the kids to love on her, but after awhile she is done, go away, W always complained about the work involved with raising the kids, laundry, all the mess that needed to be taken care of, etc. Thanks whatdidido, I always enjoy hearing from you and you provide a unique prospective, thanks for checking in on me.

New stuff

After I picked the kids up from after school care, I was going to cut the grass, so I grabbed an old shirt, I grabbed my softball tee-shirt and D9 and D6 both were worried about where I was going, had to reassure them that I wasn't going anywhere. Its sad they are so worried about people leaving them. I will never leave them I pray to God to keep me health so I can watch over my babies.

W arrived this morning to pick up the kids, I haven't started splitting this duty with her yet, because with everything going on I think its best for both W and the kids to see each other as much as possible. W bought kids some new clothes, I was trying to clean up breakfast dishes, so I could get to work she insisted that I see what she bought, I continued to work, nodding politely and saying that's nice as she pulled each item from the bag.

W received a letter from her aunt (someone she respects very much) her aunt and uncle were at the funeral and I talked to them for some time, they are so happy my W married me. The letter was addressed to both of us, but I didn't open it up. W was reading it this morning I could tell it had pictures in it and a lengthy note, I guess they don't know W moved out yet, neither does one of her close friends, who called the house 3 times last week looking for W.

W seemed to want to talk to me this morning, I don't know if it had to do with the letter or what but she was following me around and the kids were following her around (very funny) W was getting a little upset that the kids would not leave her alone with me, she seemed to want to talk, but couldn't and I didn't say anything I just went about my business.

When you're dreaming with a broken heart. The waking up is the hardest part. You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe, Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room? No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.... (John Mayer)

W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[kat727]

Jeff, you know I am not going to stop checking in on you. We have been through this crap together and I am not about to leave you alone in it! lol

Maybe W is getting some truth darts but it seems to me that she already knows how great you are. The problem(s) lie deep within her. She needs to go to C and maybe get on and stay on some meds. Kids are stressful but they are the most rewarding "job" you could have had. I am so glad mine share their "stuff" with me and hope we can always stay this close. Hugs.

kat

[JeffSTL]

W called today, was cleaning out her mothers stuff and found a letter addressed to the both of us from 2005 where MIL recounts conversation with our neighbor about how my W was verbally abusive to the children, how W did what she wanted going out all the time, etc.

W asked if neighbor told me the same stuff, I said no, except on one occasion. Told W that I understand how kids can stress you out to the point you say something you regret.

Told W neighbor once said W met a man outside our house and was telling the kids to stay inside, I let W know that I requested that the neighbor stop telling me stuff like this because all it did was upset me - neighbor no longer tells me stuff she saw

W was crying, said several times that she was sorry, that I didn't deserve all this.

I said, what is done is done, sorry doesn't help, I just want to move on with my life. Told W I was over the anger but I still hurt and I don't know when that will end.

W said you know how I feel, I don't have to say it.

I knew she was referring to the I love you speech last week,

I said what your sorry for what you did ??? (long pause) I said, I want you out of my life as much as possible and I want to move on with my life

W said we had a great conversation last week
again referring to the I love you speech,

I told her it made me depressed and that she should leave me alone.

I said do what you want be with the person you love but leave me alone, I want you out of my life as much as possible.

W said she would always be their for me and the kids and I said nothing,

W said she would talk to me later.

I said OK

WOW

When you're dreaming with a broken heart. The waking up is the hardest part. You roll outta bed and down on your knees And for the moment you can hardly breathe, Wondering was she really here? Is she standing in my room? No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.... (John Mayer)

W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[kat727]

Wow are you the same person from a few months ago? Even though you are going through an incredibly difficult time you held it together and I am so proud of you. I am also sorry because I know what you are feeling. Hard as it to believe you will get past this, you will. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

kat

[whatdidido]

Guilt is a mother f***er (excuse the language). She is feeling her choice and feeling all that she has done. TO have done what she did, and not be able to do anything to change it, is a horrible horrible feeling.

You are a strong man and handled the phone call like a the good man that you are. Hang in there, Jeff.

She didn't correct you when you said the thing about her going back to who she loves, meaning OM. That surprises me. I always thought she would be back.

[Starshyne]

All I can say is wow. Jeff you do sound like a different person from early this summer. She is feeling guilty. My xh is feeling that as well. She doesn't want to fix the marriage, she just wants to feel bad about everything.

So things have been going on since 2005? I am a little confused about that.

Sara

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Jeff,

I'm really glad you didn't do what so many people do, and that's say "that's OK." Even if it's just standard vernacular, it's NOT okay what she did to you and your kids, and there are ways you can show compassion to her without saying those words.

Good job. I think Reality has come-a-callin' on her pretty little head.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

Jeff, I hope that I am able to say those words to the wife someday when she tells me the same thing.

It hurts but you did the right thing.

[yenko69]

Jeff, I hope that I am able to say those words to the wife someday when she tells me the same thing.

It hurts but you did the right thing.

I got to agree with H4H. My prayers are with you.
On a side note, I u tubed John Mayer. Pretty good stuff.