Hi nlt,
Thanks for popping in. I did well but today is not such a good day.

Yesterday in the afternoon I got a phone call from a GF that she would like to met me to go for a walk. We had a drink in the sun and enjoyed the afternoon. She told me that she enjoys being with me as I am such a cheereful person!!! – If she only knew how I really feel. I think I have covered (?) depression! I can pretend to be happy towards other people but sometimes when I am alone, I just fall apart.

Today was a strange day. It is a grey day and on days like this I always get sad and depressed. I don't seem to let go of H, and the memories of good times are always in my head. I miss him as we did certain things at this time of the year, and it reminds me of the fun time we had together. I also want to let go of him to be able to meet somebody else, but I am still not ready although it has been over 3 years. I need to move on as H is not coming back.

Later in the afternoon I got an e-mail from H. The tone was much better than last time. He thanked me for helping him with the property and he thinks that it might not sell soon. He wished he had never bought it as it only brought him bad luck. He asked me how I was and that he hopes I am fine. That one of his sisters is getting divorced.

He goes on asking me whether I can do our divorce. That he does not see any point in staying married and that I would get the money anyway once the property is sold. I should just let go of him. He wants to be on his own. That he has little contact with friends or family but he does not really know why. He hates getting old and being with old people. He asked me to give his regards to my sisters. (He has not done that for a very long time.)

I felt really bad after getting his e-mail. I would like to help him getting over his problem with aging, but I really don't know what to do about it. I asked him before whether he would not like to see a psychiatrist or psychologist and he declined.

I want to reply to him that I don't want a D and that HE has to do all the paperwork if he wants one (I wrote the same thing several times, but he just does not want to know about it – I will surely not do anything about a D!). I would also like to write to him about my attitude regarding aging. Further I would like to finally tell him how I really feel.

Any thoughts from anybody? I would appreciate some suggestions. Thanks a lot.