I'm sorry ANY of us have to go through any of this...
Anyhow. The primary attraction of an A is much more about the way the OP makes the WS feel about *themselves*, than the way they actually feel about the OP.
The OP laps up the scraps and leftovers from the WS *real* life like a starving dog-- after all, look what the WS is willing to risk to give them those scraps!
In reality, your H is extremely stressed by the pull on his time from the job, his parents/family, and your family together. If he is often feeling that he isn't giving you enough, he may be getting the mindset that he won't ever be able to "make you happy". He knows he's the "bad guy". But if you see him that way and he sees himself that way, he isn't feeling good about himself with you. The feelings of failure get associated with you and your M and the circle can go round and round.
Your approach is perfect. The message you gave him was perfect. I often find that my H becomes the person that *I* see. That can work both ways....
