I'm scared because in a way my life HAS to revolve around him while we're in Ireland and we have this fixed deadline of when our lease is up. After that I'd literally have to follow him if he didn't want to be with me anymore...
However I do understand what you're saying. I do have some time in the interim to try and make things right with myself. Did your H say those kinds of things that mine is saying, about not wanting to be married and you being like a jailor?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Oh Lord yes. I was too controlling, he wanted a divorce, he could never be with me again, he did not see a future. It is hard to imagine when you are in the midst of it, that they are all common words. I remember thinking okay yes everyone's WAS says that, but mine really means it. He will never see me as anything but the enemy.
It hurts, and you do feel as if nothing will ever change. It is hard, because I think alot of it is about being ready to let go. Being ready to just take a break. You will get to the point where your mind just needs a rest, and you will be ready to take it. That's when the tides turn.
Once I hit that point, I knew that I just needed to let go. I needed to plan my life as if I was going to be alone, but still have faith that eventually things would work out. And now, although there are times when H still backs off, for the m ost part, we have hit the friendship phase, and it is good. It is like falling in love all over again. At least for me...I can't speak for him.
Sometimes, its about out with the old, and in with the new. Its about starting over.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
My guess is that most divorce decisions are made in stage 1! It is SOOOOO tempting just to be like screw it, I'll show him...
However, we were friends once upon a time, very good friends, so I have to believe we can do this again!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Yes I think that is true too. That stage 1 is the worst, having to get through the hurt and the pain. Once you get past that, it is much smoother sailing.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Yes Stage 1 is the worst!! That is why I believe I am inching towards 2 because I no longer feel so sad and depressed. I didn't want to do anything or go anywhere and the tears would flow like crazy.
Hang in there and worry about you right now. I know I keep repeating this to you I just want it drilled into your head!!
The thing is I am TOO worried about me at the moment. I am very anxious over my return to Dublin and how to proceed. I haven't been able to get the DB Center on the line today, so haven't scheduled an appointment with Jody yet...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Don't even think about Dublin right now. It will bring you anxiety wondering what will happen. Focus only on things that will make you happy or as close to happy you could possibly get right now.
Is there anything intersting going on Wrolclaw now? Or maybe some craft that you can start to keep you busy?
Hmm not sure on the craft. The only thing I seem to be able to focus on is the gym and journaling. I don't even have TV! That said though, I HAVE started downloading some shows on iTunes, and it's nice to lay around and watch them sometimes.
Thing is I know H wants a decision on who is moving out. I am not sure if it should be me or him. I mean I know it "should" be him, but he said 6 months and this way there is a hard and fast line that HE chose if I stay out of the house. I really have to think this one through and think of the possible scenarios in either case. I am not going to talk to him about it again, but I know he will bring it up. I'm just feeling pretty dismal too at the idea of a Christmas alone. I know that is far out there, but I'm feeling like I can only see gray skies right now...
I'm going to try and watch the Secret in a bit. Maybe it will make me feel better, or listen to the Audio files for the Law of Attraction.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Oh ITH I know you're upset. And I'm sorry that this is not going the way you'd like it to.
Is there a way that you can live in the moment for a while. I know that you're very upset but I think that once you try and focus on you and right now you'll feel much better. I have seen some picutres of the city you are in and I hope you can go out and enjoy the beautiful scenery and architecture.
Think positive and I'm not referring to your H or your M...
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I know I need to try. I really do. I am just someone who really likes to have a plan, and that is something I don't have right now and everything that I thought was solid in my life is gone. I am sure my H has made his mind up already, and I am so disappointed.
I was on an adventure in Europe with my best friend and instead it leads to this. I know the city here is pretty and so is the architecture. I do go out and walk every weekend, and I have seen it all by now. I just need some security and stability and I don't even mean my M or my H though those would be nice too. I mean a place to live, and an idea about which country I am going to be in in the next 6 months.
I know that I'm being negative, but I was so positive for the last 2 weeks, and this is what happened. I feel angry and let down. I convinced myself a miracle was going to happen. I didn't know what exactly, but believed it would be positive. I was right, something big did happen. It was just not positive.
Sorry to be such a downer, and I know everyone is right for me to focus on me, but part of that is buying a plane ticket within the next 2 weeks and I don't know for what date etc. I am not sure how long I can go on waiting for a positive sign or a flash of inspiration...
Well I will try and watch the Secret now. It is possible that this will make me feel better. I really do believe in this kind of thing. It is a matter of training my mind to focus on the positives. I just feel burned right now is all...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
