H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I feel your pain and yes, we all have gone thru this and still go thru it.
Sure, it is all fun for H because he gets to bring the kids back to their home. Sometimes I would love to say that I am moving out and see what H would do. Of course I would never do that because I would feel guilty.
My kids have never been to his dive, ever! They have never been invited either. H keeps all of us as far away from ow and the dive as possible. I suppose this is good BUT I know how all of this eats at you.
Come here and vent anytime. I know it hurts and it angers the heck out of you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Last couple of days have been a little hectic....I tried to go have dinner with a friend the other night, just to a fast food place...son called my phone 4 times....crying about homework...I believe that is just to get me back home....he called H and H called me and by that time I had left and had to stop and get bread and milk..(I no longer have H to stop after work to get it for me)...he was telling me about how son just needs to calm down about homework...blah, blah, blah, and sorry folks it ticked me off...if I were to even mention how for him to deal with it he would tell me to quit telling him how to feel or what to do....so...yep.....I said calmly...."I will take care of it"...and he kept talking and so I said...."look, all I wanted to do was go to dinner with a friend...that I've been trying to get things together for D16's surgery, going to specialist, giving blood, taking son to doc for ear infection, etc."..asked him where he was...he said he was still at work...my point was....and i didn't say it but I thought it...he could have gone to help son with homework. Anyway...I know he felt my frustration...sorry....
so fast forward to last night...D16 comes to me for me to proof her english paper.....OMG!!!! The paper was on Divorce and cheating....I about died....as I was reading and crying at a paper that spells out how she is feeling I realized how wise she is.....everything we say here...she wrote in her paper....amazing....I will put some blurts of it here....I never tell H about children...I don't get between he and her relationship that is non existant...I'm letting them work through it but I feel this is something he should read...not to make him feel guilty but for him to understand what she is going through...he just thinks she's too young to understand but she is so much smarter......I told her I was proud of her paper...that she was wise beyond her years.....
Here is a few blurps......God Bless our Children for having to endure all this pain....sorry for the long post
It's titled....Divorce: Is it really what you want?
Quote:
[/quote]When a man or woman cheats on their spouse, it is because the couple is fighting too much, working so much they miss each other, problems within the family and they cannot control their actions, they are bored or are not in love anymore. None of these excuses are true, they make up excuses because they cannot lose control over themselves, they cannot fall to anyone. They are running scared of what they know is true. Everything was easy in the beginning, because it was just two people against the world, having fun, nothing standing in the way. As the marriage progresses the commitment intensifies bringing about hardships and struggles, and being there for one another is what gets people through. This is not always the case, however and they will not always have someone to fall back on. Now life is hard, and they do not want that, so they try to find someone else who has the same mind set they do, even if it means breaking the heart of the one they know they truly love.
When a person cheats, all they are thinking about is themselves, no matter how many times they say otherwise. They do not think it will affect anyone else, especially if the spouse does not find out, and even if anyone is affected they will get over it sooner or later. Wrong. When a person cheats, not only does it affect the spouse, but the children, the extended family, friends, and the person who is involved in the affair, and that pain stays with them forever. People may forgive but forgetting is not promising in this situation. You are giving the love you vowed to someone else away to someone who most likely means nothing to you, just because you are looking for a good time, or a person to fill the void you have.
Quote:
Quote:
The man or woman who cheats will try anything they can to defend themselves, when really there is absolutely nothing they can say to win this battle. They will tell their
spouse and children they do not understand, try everything they can to blame it on someone else or get their family on their side. Now that they are losing people all of a sudden they care, so how come they did not care while they were with someone other than their spouse. It is in no way anyone else’s fault but their own. The spouse and children were never asking the man or woman to cheat, they were never pushing them away, they were simply looking out for someone they cared about, someone who did not bother taking the time to realize everything he wanted was right where he wanted it.
Quote:
Quote:
You do not cheat because you are not in love, or you are bored. You cheat because you let your mind take over, you let yourself believe your spouse is not what you want, when clearly they are everything you ever hoped and dreamed for. Anyone who cheats is expecting people to understand, when in reality all anyone is ever thinking is get over yourself, you did something wrong, it is YOUR fault no one else’s…deal with it. Take some responsibility; you messed up, now you are going to have to live with it. Divorce is misinterpreted. It is not about breaking away being happy or getting what you want, it is not about doing what’s best; it is about believing there is someone or something else out there that is better for you even when you KNOW it is right in front of you. If you were not in love with your spouse, you would have never gotten married.[quote]
Well this is just a part of the paper...you get what it's about....(((hugs))))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I think she ought to recite it to her dad in person. Make him sit there and squirm.
Really, she did a great job.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Thanks for the support all....and that was just a portion of it....it was truly amazing.....she brought it to school (I work at the school she attends) and let a few teacher read it.....they were in awwwwww......she is 16....my H told her in the beginning he didn't expect her to understand and he would talk to her about relationships when she gets older....HAAAAAAA.......I think she need to sit his a** down and tell him the facts.....D is hurting..
I've always told her you fight for what you believe in....and when she told her dad that....he told her to tell me not to fight anymore....what was he thinking....oh wait....he wasn't!
It does affect them the rest of their lives.....NO MATTER WHAT!
I told my daughter to never forget that I love her more than life itself & she told me, "I know mom....I love you too"
I do have wonderful kids.....I am blessed......they are what is getting me through this mess.....
(((hugs)))
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
MWG......that is a great idea for her to sit her father down and recite it to him....he would lose it....that is one thing he can't do....face the kids.....one on one....he would be sobbing.....maybe that's what he needs.....
and none of what she said were my words at all....all of it came from her heart....God love her....she has it all figured out....to bad the H's can't.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
he would blame it on you, unfortunately, and accuse you of writing it.
one day he will pay a price for all he has done.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
