Aiming for a new me 13

[glamgirl]

The good signs are as follows:

H is getting c. (Do you realize how huge this is for a man)
Possibly moving in with parents
Not saying he wants a D (Confused - you can help him with this)
Still wanting to talk to you even if it's limited
Spends time with D
Telling you about his C session
Including you on some of his life

None of this can you take for granted. If he was truly checked out you wouldn't hear from him he would not want nothing to do with you, he is still engaged somewhat in the R. Now it's up to you to make those the best interactions, so he forgets why he left in the first place.

Get it?

[Maya44]

Thanks GG! I see all of those as positives too. I'm trying to get rid of the the "but then there's (add negative thoughts here)" I want to only focus on the positives for the benefit of my sanity, D and H. I truly believe that H is going to come back one day. If not, he would have been long gone by now. I have to see that hope grow.

[Maya44]

No call from H last night like he said he would after his new C appt. I don't blame him for not calling though. He said it was a 1 1/2 hour appt and then it's a good drive home for him too. He gets stressed when he talks and drives too. It's like he can't do both. lol I shouldn't laugh but it's true. And he was never like that before either. We'd talk all the time on his way home from work (1 hour drive) and he'd be fine. So I don't get that one at all.

Also got another email from D's teacher with another issue so I'm not too happy about that. I don't know how to get this child of mine to stay focused and concentrate on doing what she's supposed to be doing. Ugh!

[MidwesternGirl]

FG:

The teacher(s) might tell you to put her on meds so don't be surprised if that comes up.

As for your H not calling--pretty typical MLC behavior--they say they will call and nine times out of ten, they don't.

Hang in there.

[glamgirl]

FG how many times have I heard that call you later and it doesn't happen. Many times I just think my h didn't want to talk. Now my h was severely depressed, so alienation is one of those signs.

Now he is calling and reaching out much much more.

Don't worry about it. Let him call you. After a while, I quit contacting my h since he would never answer, nor would he call back.

Now that has changed for the most part. Sometimes he doesn't always call back, like last night, but I am sure he stayed up the whole night before trying to meet his deadline.

You are doing good! Don't bring it up with h let him tell you.

[Maya44]

Thanks MWG and GG!

MWG, we went thru this concentration/focus issue last year and D's pediatrician ruled out ADHD. D is really flighty and in her own world. I don't see putting her on meds as a cure since to me she also has alot going on with what's going on in our lives. You know? Maybe I'm using that as an excuse but I don't think so. If her Dr didn't see anything, then I don't see how the school can just say put her on meds. They pushed hard for it last year though and it didn't pan out for them. I seriously don't know what to do. She'll have to start with going to bed alot earlier (right now it's 9:30 and that's a HUGE improvement!) and see if the sleep helps.

GG, I'm not too concerned about H not calling. Just journeling I guess. I thought it would bother me more, but I seriously put it in my head as no expectations yesterday. And I guess it worked!

[glamgirl]

I would avoid meds if you can. I personally think too many drs put kids on drugs when they don't need to be. You don't want to take that creative spirit away from a child.

My s19 was like that. Could you try having them get as much physical excercise as possible after school. I know that I used to play BB with my s19 when he was very young. Just kept him very active and then tried to spend as much time nuturing him as well.

Reading books, acitivities etc. It's work and dedication on your part, but I think it's way better than meds. Just some thoughts.

[Maya44]

D is very active though. They have P.E at school 4 days per week, plus she goes outside at school twice during the day (morning break & recess) and then is outside or in the school gym daily at the after school care. Then we're outside as well with the dog and she rides her skater. So I don't get it. She's fine with these things, but seems easily distracted. It's aggrevated a bit, you know?

[MidwesternGirl]

I, too, would avoid those drugs in a heartbeat. I only said that because I know that there are teachers who recommend it to parents. My best friend's son happened to be a little on the hyper side and he still is but he is a boy with a lot of energy.

They got called in and the teacher and counselor suggested they take him to a doctor to get on these meds. I sent my friend a lot of articles that I researched on the subject and when all was said and done, she said no way to drugging her son.

I think some people, based on their personality type, do tend to become somewhat distracted but I think it is normal at that age.

Keeping her active is key. Too bad swimming is not a year round thing. It is great exercise and it relaxes you.

[glamgirl]

Yes keep her active. Also watch her diet and sugar intake. Some kids are just more active and easily distracted. I would do some research online to see what would be the best strategy with your D without drugs.

I use to refer to my s19 as my wild child when he grew up. Every year I had to meet with his teachers and talk about this. This continued through high school.

I just plugged away, and s19 is awesome now. Still a bit hyper, but I accept that as his personality. He amazes me though with his smarts and talent. Drugs would have changed him from his true self.