JUST USED LRT-WHAT DO I DO NOW???

[Sanderika]

My rollercoaster ride continues.....The following happened on 9/15/08:

I should have written sooner but I was hoping more would have happened after this did:

My H came over to get his birth certificate. He had to go to Canada with an oversize load for a logging show.

His OW was at our shop most of the day. H called me around 8:40pm, told me what he needed, I said I had it and he could come over and get it. H showed up at 9:20pm. We sat and chatted for about a half hour. I also had some canadian money so I gave that to him. Our conversation was very nice. We talked about his trip and schedule he had to keep. We talked about another driver and his schedule. We talked about his huge job that had lasted the past two weeks and how happy his customers were with him, S12, the construction on the house...NOT ONE WORD ABOUT THE R.

He didn't get to see S12 because he goes to bed at 9:00.

After a half hour...H said "I want to shower here, is that OK?"
I said "yes." H went out to his truck, moved truck to hiding spot and brought in clean clothes. I asked H if he was hungry and he said no.

H showered, I showered...we ML, fell asleep and H alarm went off at 4:45am. Before H got up he said "So do you still want me back?" I said "Yes I do." H said "Why?" I said "Because I love you and value you and I want us to be a family with S, I want S to grow up with a Mom and Dad in the same house." H said "Have you heard the saying...Be Careful What You Wish For." I said "Yes I Have and I am going to continue to wish for this everyday."

At that note H got up, got dressed, left his dirties for me to wash. Left for the day on good terms, nice thoughts, friendly, etc...

I haven't heard from H since the morning on 9/16. !!??!!??!!??

I can only assume that H and OW had a ripper (fight) at the office. Perhaps they fought all weekend. I don't know. I want to know why H came to me. I want to know what H is thinking about. I have had up days and then down days for over a week.
I will not ask H any questions...NO R TALK!!!!!!

I know certain things...

H two week job didn't go well paperwork, permits, schedule wise.

H missed a job on 9/8 because that so called secretary (the BFF) didn't do up his paperwork and didn't remind him of the schedule. H can't be expected to remember everything, that's what you hire people for. This is not good for business to just blow off a job.

H had words with an employee about the employee talking to me on his cellphone. Apparently H told this guy that his cellphone (company paid by the way) was for business purposes and not for talking to his wife. Guy (who has known us for 20+ years) saud to H...last time I looked S is your X, you chose OW.

It has been six full months since H kicked me out of my job.

It has been 7 full weeks since H sent any support money our way.

It has been 9 full days since I had any contact with H. I WILL NOT CONTACT HIM and H HAS BEEN TOLD THIS.

H was with OW all last weekend.

I don't know what this means.

H is still on the fence.

H is still cake-eating.

IS H heart softening? IS H working his way home in baby steps?

IS H only testing the home water in case it goes sour with OW?

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF CYCLING? I saw that in another post and am confused as to what it means.

I just needed to get this down...journaling I guess.

For anyone who reads this....Thank you so much.

My turmoil continues. I told someone yesterday..."I am not moving on, I am moving forward."

I am very lonely.

Thank you all,

Sanderika