Everyone worries about that...that's why I can't detach. What if in the end, H comes back, and I've moved on. Does that mean that I really left the M rather than the other way around? I don't want that.
Someone on here posted once (and I have no idea who it was) that the 2nd hardest thing he'd ever done was survive his W walking away from the M. Then, the hardest thing he ever had to do was tell her he wasn't interested when she tried to come back to him. I worry about that so much. It seems silly that I worry about that. I have so many other things already to worry about, and since H hasn't even acted remotely like coming back might be an option for him ever, it seems a mute point for sure!!!
Oh, well! I think, once again, your worries are normal for your sitch!!!
Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
I never really thought I was a special snowflake in that regard, I didn't ever recall anyone verbalizing that fear before. That is my single biggest fear about the whole awful situation. I guess that's what comes with having integrity and honor and a conscience. I think that I mentioned in one of redsawks' threads that I would be open to taking her back and working on a new relationship with her until one of us was in a serious LTR. At that time, I didn't realize how I might lose my desire to work things out with her. In truth, I'm still interested in working things out with my W even though I'm also moving on mentally.
My crystal ball is a little cloudy right now so I guess I will have to experience the future as it unfolds.
So, tonight was my meeting with my IC. He basically had three things to say. First, he said that the kids are hurting now and they are learning a very poor model for relationships and they are in limbo. Secondly, he said that my willingness to move on shows my growth. Lastly, he said that in his opinion, I should seek full custody of the kids because she isn't behaving in a rational and responsible manner right now.
This is the second live person to tell me that I should seek sole custody of the kids. Both Sandi and PDT urged me in my thread on infidelity to seek full custody of the kids. So, I called my D12's best friend's Mom who is someone I respect and I asked her opinion and she said that while she is normally in favor of joint custody, she also thinks that I'd be foolish to not seek sole custody of the kids. So, the plan is to make an appointment next week with a lawyer to discuss the tactics of filing for a divorce and requesting custody of the kids. I won't let anyone else make this decision for me. I've gotten input from people that I trust and respect and now I have to think about what they've said and what I've seen in my wife and her behavior and decide what is the best course to follow.
The friend's Mom mentioned that it was hard for her to see my kids so excited that they got to talk to their Mother for a few minutes on the telephone. Wow, that hurts to really think about that one.
Good luck with that, Dan. I know that's a tough decision to make, and I admire you for really thinking it through and really wanting to do what's best for the kids!!! As long as you can facilitate their R with her, it's probably best that you have control over things right now since she's not herself.
Rooting for you! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
