Your w still has feelings for you - that's why she's comfortable. This is one of the reasons why the LRT can be successful in some cases - it creates the situation where the spouse no longer has their comfortable friend to rely on. They have to start from scratch in order to find the same support and understanding.
You ARE emotionally attached to XW. That's not going to go away overnight. I'm sure talking to her does bring up pain/hurt. But, that's in the past. Is that how you want to define your life, by what's happened? If not, then pursue making things happen for you now. Not by concentrating on W, but on remembering who you are as an individual. By moving yourself forward, you become more attractive and confident. Maybe she'll be attracted, maybe too much has happened, but it will leave you in a better place.
I know it's hard. Read my posts and you'll see me moaning all over the place. But others posted these things to me and now I see that they really were correct. So. Make your life brighter and happier and the world will start smiling back. If you concentrate on the pain, everyone will know you're faking it.
take care of yourself. Eat well and exercise! lodo
