* I've been avoiding the boards for a week because my situation remains unresolved and has gotten more complex. It's not at all because I don't care a ton for the people here--I do. I'm just struggling.
* My H is going to see his primary care physician Friday to get referrals to see specialists. So all of that is still tbd.
* My ex-boyfriend got married this past weekend (no, I wasn't invited) but I got together with a lot of my old friends who were in town for it. I drank way too much one night and, in a moment of total weakness, let myself be kissed by one of my oldest and dearest male friends. I feel horribly guilty and regret it. I told my H immediately--his reaction was worried about me being in that situation (drinking, doing stupid things I regret), but not jealous. I guess he probably felt vindicated a bit for his own behavior. Sigh. It seems like I didn't do any more damage to my marriage, but I'm really, really disappointed in myself & sad.
* H and I talked for over an hour last night. He just found out he's in a bad financial situation with his dad, he wants to protect me from it, he's miserable. I validated and offered to help anyway I can. It was the most 'him' he's been, I think because he's terrified and was reaching out to me as a friend. I came away from the conversation realizing that he still loves me in some way. He's basically offering himself up for sacrifice so I don't have to financially suffer, even though I legally deserve to suffer along with him--he won't let me. I was floored & devastated & confused because a few weeks ago he seemed to want to screw me.
There's more, but that's all I can say right now. There's a lot going on my head.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
