Hi Everybody, I am hoping this is the right area to post this. If not I apologize. I have made some dire mistakes in my marriage. I have been communicated with 2 different women (one was an EXGF) online in explicit, intimate conversations for the past few years.
Before I go any further please know that I have had the absolute worst year of my life up to this point, my career, which had been very promising, took a turn for the worse with the down economy - Not that this is an excuse for what happened at all. This however was the cause for the distance that occurred between us. I have always been the type of person to keep things inside rather than to communicate them with my wife. My distancing myself from her made her suspicious.
At the beginning of August she took my computer and searched through it and found some old emails that had been written. She assumed and questioned me about having an actual physical affair. I did not have a physical affair and I explained this to her. She didn't believe me. She left and moved in with her sister – who has since sworn me off as well.
That night I received a call from her father and threatening me with lawsuits, divorces, etc. I tried to explain to him how sorry I was about what had happened but he wanted no part of it. He was taking over the “investigation” and he was going to call his lawyer – who he had been to court with (and won with) 30 times - to get to the bottom of this.
He and my wife showed up at our house the next day, to collect some of her belongings, with a police officer (at my father in law’s request – and to the embarrassment of my wife) so there wouldn’t be any “trouble.” A few days later he told me that HE had decided that HE was going through with divorce proceedings.
The next day I received a call from her that was a mixture of anger and emotion. She yelled at me and also told me how much she loved me and missed me. At that point I had emailed the other women and explained to them that it was wrong for me to talk to them and that it had cost me my marriage and that I did not want to hear from them again. For the next week or so there were some emails going back and forth from my wife and I. She would question me about certain things and I would respond truthfully. I was feeling okay in that I felt like she was going through her healing process.
Things were quiet for about a week and then I received a call from the husband of one of the women. We talked for some time. He was very rational and he told me that his wife confessed to the online activity and that he forgave me for what had happened. He informed me that his wife had done this before only she had actually had a physical affair with another man. I was truly sorry for what had happened to him and I let him know that I respected the fact that he wanted to make things work with his wife.
A few days later he contacted my wife via email as part of his healing process. After their conversation, my wife absolutely lost it. She called me to scream at me and tell me she hated me and not to contact her or anyone in her family. Since then I have received a couple of emails from her with questions but it’s been silent for a few weeks.
A couple of weeks ago I was served divorce papers which had been filed around a week after everything had happened. Before everything happened, we had already scheduled an appointment with a marriage counselor. I ended up going to the appointment and have gone – by myself – every week since. I went to confession and have been going to church every week as well. I have been praying every day since she left and I am hoping that we can reconcile.
My problem is that there is no communication at all. I have written her a few letters, apologizing for my actions and telling her that I am committed to finding out why I did the things that I did so that I can correct those mistakes. I haven’t received any response from her at all. I don’t know what else to do. She has shut out all of our mutual friends and she said that she can’t speak to my family (who oddly enough she had a better relationship with over her own.) Any suggestions? I miss her terribly and I don’t know what to do…Again, I apologize if this is not the right place to post my situation....
