Going Dark definitely goes against my grain. It feels horrible. However, I'm doing well after 1-1/2 weeks of not initiating contact. I worry about all the 'what ifs'. What if he never calls me? What if he decided to sweep me aside again? What if he looked my way and realized it was better not to talk to me ever again? 'ick' I can't even stand thinking about it. Maybe . . . he is noticing . . . hey, it's Wednesday! I haven't heard from her in awhile! (I hope and pray.) I'm not as anxious as last week. I've started to think about what I need to do to help myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually -- sleeping patterns, exercise, new job, feeling motivated, losing 10 lbs., feeling comfortable, have joy, prayer life, yoga(!).
I was reading other messages. I got a lot out of what one moderator wrote. It was very similar to what 'Men are from Mars' states. That is, men and women need and give love differently. I usually give love the way 'I' need it. He doesn't seem to respond to that. Well, he responds somewhat. I now see that he defines and needs love differently. I'd like to learn how to change my behavioral pattern. It seems like I have to read the directions constantly until I figure out this new game. I don't think I will ever give up.
Today, I'm looking into what I can do for myself. The next step is to 'do it'. Ok? Big Hug! Going Dark Goal date: Oct. 6.
