That's what he says now too. Hello my name is Sandy and "I used to be bitch" I swear they should have Bitches anonymous clubs. I was never this way to anyone else but him.
The truth when it boiled down to it was that I was a resentful and controlling person.
I could have prevented this affair if I hadn't slowly undermined our relationship..(geesh, that only took 15 years) I know it would have never happened if I hadn't acted the way I did in our marriage. I would have left "me" long before he did. Gosh, that's hard to admit, but the best thing this ever did for me was for me to become accountable for how I treated this sweetheart of a man. He really is one of the good guys and I took advantage of that for to long.
I know he made the ultimate choice but it could have been different and I wish it were but it's not. A lesson learned the hard way. Poor guy now has to deal with it more than I do.
But I love him for that. You know what he said to me when we were talking one night during the early stages of reconcilation was interesting...."Sandycay, I'm not Superman, I have feelings too." I really thought about that long and hard. I thought about what things I said to him over the years and thought "what if he said that to me". "what if he put restraints on me and controlled me the way I controlled him". Hello...cue music....cue lights.....I thought to myself "I wouldn't have stood for that for two minutes" He couldnt' win the fights though because "I'm good at that". He started avoiding and started "minding" because that was easier.....a person can only take so much of that and geez he did it for 16 years.
Anyway, I ramble on but even if he didn't come back, I was for ever changed and deeply, deeply ashamed of my behavior in my marriage. I never want to be that person again....it's a habit but a breakable one. I am glad I get to be the new me around him.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
