That is the kicker, John. Wish I had a crystal ball. Because if H is just thinking about her, I can't blame him for that. If I had a relationship with someone for over a year, I am sure I would think of them sometimes. And if it was 90% "fun time" with the "other person", it may be natural in times of stress to look back on that time and imagine that it was "better" than the current reality of life...
Hope I didn't ramble. I am just saying, it is not a major issue for me if he thinks of her or misses her sometimes, that is part of the hand I was dealt and I chose to stay in the game.
If she is texting/calling, and he does NOT respond, as he was not responding back in July, I have to be okay with that too, although I wish he would be up-front and say, "I am in the dumps (whatever) b/c OW has been trying to get ahold of me, but I haven't responded", or something like that.
On the other hand, if he is trying to keep in contact with her but also save our marriage, I would stop trying immediately. I don't have the patience to go through all of that again, even for my kids. I know in the beginning he thought he could still try to have a "friendly" relationship with her....I know this b/c he told me that the Counselor he was seeing told him he had to cut "all contact" with her. Which means he must have been still having some kind of contact at that point...
However H has been so busy with work and travel for work, farm stuff, our marriage retreat weekend sessions, etc he hasn't been to the counselor in 6 weeks or so. I hope this isn't giving him "wiggle room" to think he can contact her again. Like how after someone gives up drinking for a few months, he/she may think they can try to have a "little bit" on occasion...
OK think I may be rambling again. Sorry.
Bottom line, if he is just thinking of her or feeling bad b/c she is contacting again, I can live with that. If he is engaging in communication with her via e-mail, phone calls, or texting, I cannot live with that. Only thing is I have no way of knowing.
