hey Mike how are you? hows the house coming along? i'm looking forward to doing some improvements to my place when this is over.
no, no real updates. just compiling info for lawyer, reading up on distribution of pre-marital assets, etc.
very civil at home, somewhat friendly. she said she will move out by Nov 1. which is fine with me so far. things are tense but not nasty. all talk is about the D2.75
I'm OK. the past couple days i was a bit sad. STBX signing the lease made things real. I had a good IC session monday night, T and I had a good conversation about similarities between the demise of this R and my previous R in which i was engaged but never made it to the alter. both women left me for another guy after feeling like i put them lower on my priorities.
in my first engagement, i decided to go back to college for engineering after being out of school for 5 years - and the first year was intense and overwhelming since i had forgotten almost everything. and i had decided to go to one of the tougher engineering schools in NJ. so with all my studying my fiance found some bartender who decided he was up for the challenge of breaking us up. and he told my sister that - it was a challenge for him. we broke up, and a couple months later he was gone.
so history repeats itself. W gets bored because my priorities appears to be my D2.75 and saving up for a house. she finds some recently divorced guy who, in my opinion, is challenged to find a new woman to show his X something.
well, lesson for me is to make sure i always make my R top priority. After my D2.75 of course. and always have a pre-nup.
But i'll be ok, i know that, i feel that. looking forward to having this behind me, moving on and getting my life back to the way I want it. I have a good support team, people who love me and are on my side. the STBX has been smearing me all over, but thats ok. The ones who know me, know me.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
RMG I've read your post more than a few times. and yes, i agree with you completely. as bad as my R has been, i would never have an affair. obviously, STBX is different.
the question that will go unanswered, and really no point getting an answer, is which came first - chicken or egg. did she start the affair and then decide our R was in trouble, or did she feel the R was done and then start the affair?
either way, doesnt really matter. R is dead, W having affair, Ken will be fine.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
I'm ok Ken. House is done and has been donw for about a week and a half..I'm doing good.
it's normal to have times of sadness. I think it's good that your C is helping you see that ther past R affects this R and this M could affect the next if you don't change.
Good on you.
take care of the business at hand and try to move forward as best you can.
The D can take a while. First thing you need to deal with is getting a shared (50/50) parenting plan schedule in place so that when Nov comes, you both can start following it. The longer you go on that plan, the less chance she can get it changed later on if she changes her mind because she is not getting all she wants from the financial end of the divorce.
RMG I've read your post more than a few times. and yes, i agree with you completely. as bad as my R has been, i would never have an affair. obviously, STBX is different.
the question that will go unanswered, and really no point getting an answer, is which came first - chicken or egg. did she start the affair and then decide our R was in trouble, or did she feel the R was done and then start the affair?
either way, doesnt really matter. R is dead, W having affair, Ken will be fine.
Ken,
My friend, order does not really matter. The fact is your W is just morally challenged. She CHOSE to do this..... I have known people in horrible Ms that would NEVER have an A because they know it is wrong.......
Our friend figgie said something to the effect that people should share what they are feeling and allow their spouse to address that issue BEFORE cheating....... She is SO right.....
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 09/24/0804:19 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
In M, IMHO, you MUST go to MC and give it your VERY best try.... That entails a couple of years......
These people who find someone else and blaze out of the their Ms have some real insecurities....... My take is I want to give my M 100%... That way, I have NO regrets of what could have been... PLUS, I have enough confidence there will be other women who want me if my M does NOT work......
Finally, I want to be able to tell the next gal I am a stand up guy. I did EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to make my M work...... While I am FAR from perfect.... I do NOT want to be seen by women as someone who blazes out of his committments......
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 09/24/0805:16 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
absolutely. end the first before beginning the next.
my STBX started the next while working out the logistics to get out of the first while trying to save face. claims to have tried to 'get back the old feelings' blah blah blah. no MC, no commitment to even trying to try, nothing. always spending more emotional time with OM. the ol' Mote-in-your-own-eye analogy was everywhere while i was DBing. I'd address one after another of her list of issues, and when the list got short, i'd be given a new list.
i'm now the cause of the failure of my M because i cant fart the Miami Vice theme song and who knows what else, just a list of some ridiculous, impossible-to-achieve issues.
well, so be it. thanks RMG, your words are very healing. and Fig, your input is appreciated. its nice to be validated for what i'm feeling, thank you all for that.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Ken - You just compelled me to google the Miami Vice theme song and I agree - it is impossible to reproduce that complicated song with farts. Try something slower like the X-Files theme song.
and RMG...that to me is the true reason we stand it would be much much easier to cut and run and to find someone else who could tell us we are right and our spouses suck and we should just get divorced
instead we chose to stand it is the harder path the one that takes more fortitude and grace than we ever knew we were capable of having it is the one that brings us to our knees that makes us question that burns us and hurts like nothing else
and
when we come out the other end we can be proud and people can see
that we have stood for our beliefs we have gone through fire been compressed and worn down and come out clean like a diamond at the other end
