Close encounters of the MLC kind

[hoosiermama]

Theo--as usual, you've hit the nail on the head.

Apparently H has a lot of respect for her refusal to "have an affair" when they first began "exploring their feelings for each other" and "planning to spend their lives together." God knows that conversation doesn't constitute beginning an affair! I haven't quite figured out where the line is where they begin considering this "an affair" but for me, it began when she became more important than our marriage and our family. And I really believe that it's the enticing carrot of a sexual relationship and all that goes with it, that she has been dangling out there to motivate him to "do the honorable thing" and push forward with divorce.

And I'm quite clear this was an exit affair. Just an excuse to justify everything, and a convenient shoulder to cry on about how awful his life has been (I was unaware of that). More justification--he was trying for 3 years in therapy to leave, couldn't quite do it until--boom, old girlfriend re-enters his life. Of course, three years wasn't quite enough time to let me know he was not getting needs met, feeling loved, or whatever else was going on that made him want to leave. It also wasn't enough time to put a little more effort, understanding, or love into the relationship to try to save it. This is the crux of it:

So in an ideal new age kind of way, end you end your marriage "honorably" because it is hindering your growth and then you are free to pursue relationships with others with integrity.

Unfortunately, many people don't really want to exit the marriage or realize how unfulfulling it was for them until they get involved in an affair while they are married.

I didn't mean to be a Wicca-basher. It's this particular Wiccan I have issues with (and not even as much as with my H). Just like those who pluck scripture verses out of the air and out of context to justify their poor behavior, she has used her beliefs to justify her destructive actions.