Personally, I agree wholeheartedly with RMG after 8 months of wanting to think otherwise.
If someone wanted at all to be with you, they wouldn't leave to pursue someone else.
I think we should maintain our dignity and self-respect. We shouldn't need to plead with someone to come back when they don't want to come back. We shouldn't sit around waiting and hoping instead of using that time to enjoy our own lives.
It isn't burning bridges to drop the rope and let them pursue what they're pursuing. They're the ones who are burning bridges. sometimes they recognize what they've lost and are willing to put energy into the relationship and that's great. That provides a basis for success. But when you're the only one putting in energy, it won't work.
Just found this thread and I'm in newcomers myself. I have thought my W was having a MLC since this nightmare begun and in hindsight it probably started more like 12-18 months ago.
I had a thought last night of the difference between a WAS and a MLC (although a lot of similarities). A WAS does not always do the stuff of a MLC's, they have just had enough and want out of the relationship whereas a MLC will be acting like a hormonal teenager. They have no cares for anyone else but themselves with what they are doing and cannot be rational about anything.
Anyway, as to the point in question. I've spoken to a few people who've been through D and they do tend to have regrets. Even those in happy new R, but with kids say they wouldn't want to go through that again or put anyone through that.
A lot of people I also notice, will love the single going out life for a while, then the monotony will set in and they would prefer some more nights at home cuddled up to someone they love etc.
I'm 100% sure my W will have regrets, I've not heard one person that know's both of us not be shocked by what she is doing and/or not called her mad. The only people that are are the small group of new friends that don't know me at all and want their wild drinking buddy to party with. I do not believe my W would ever admit it tho as she is the most stubborn person in the world (her dad is close, and may actually win that one to be fair) and I feel we will be divorced inside 12 months.
I did have kids with W #1. The exW I mentioned was exW #2; #2 and I did not have kids (Thank God!). You can read all the details if you like by reading my earlier posts.
Take Care,
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I keep going back to this........ Assume you have NEVER met your exW/exH....... Also, ASSUME they were 100% honest (I REALLY doubt anyone would be)...... They told you they had walked out of their M or had an A.... How many people would consider this person a good possibility? Even with years of IC.... That person did it once..... They could easily do it again.......
That is why I very carefully selected a new W... She was in two serious Rs and M once..... In both cases, the guy walked away while she wanted to work on it...... That really says something about her heart and character.......
I cannot buy in to “good hearted” people destroying their Ms......... If they were “good hearted,” they would have worked on their M for a few years...... MLC or whatever... Difficult times show who one REALLY is......
I would have NEVER blazed out of my M with Kim.... We had too much history... We went through too much together..... I loved her way too much to want to be without her.... I could never hurt her in that way.... That is my heart......
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 09/24/0804:04 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
RMG, It sounds like you did all you could to make the marriage work. Some people do have more "staying" ability and the desire to make things work. I think it may be that some people are just less selfish and they are content to take what they have try to make the very best of it.
Glad to hear there were no children with XW#2 to add any more difficulty to the situation. Also, I'm glad you have found something good now, and I hope #3 is the "charm." I will try to catch up on your situation.
Arthur, I think oftentimes MLC starts prior to the larger changes you see. I know with my husband there was a general unhappiness which eventually led to self-absorbed teenage-like behavior. I think one of the reasons it may be difficult to spot is it is a gradual thing that can last quite a few years. I think that's why when you are "in it" it's difficult to realize and even admit to it.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
RMG, It sounds like you did all you could to make the marriage work. Some people do have more "staying" ability and the desire to make things work. I think it may be that some people are just less selfish and they are content to take what they have try to make the very best of it.
Glad to hear there were no children with XW#2 to add any more difficulty to the situation. Also, I'm glad you have found something good now, and I hope #3 is the "charm." I will try to catch up on your situation.
ROT,
I just saw it as I took this M vow with Kim before God..... Before her family.... Before my family..... Before our friends.... To her...... I did not take it lightly.........
While I was not the perfect H..... I NEVER had EA or PA... I did try..... She gave me NO help in letting me know what she really needed... All she had to do was ask...
I guess I see things in more of an old fashioned light.....
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
