I feel so horrible. I had to leave work and I am at home sobbing now. I didn't know that my H had that cruelty in him. Earlier on IM he was saying things like about how he worried about me. Then on the phone he was so mean. He said that he was not going to choose unhappiness anymore, was not going to be bullied anymore. I said that I was sorry that he felt it was me and the relationship that had caused him all that unhappiness and he was all sarcastic and said things like "Oh yeah I'm sure there are plenty of other things making me unhappy". On the call once he said I hadn't changed at all. This was the first time he had ever used the word divorce with me. He also said he just wasn't feeling in love. I said I understood and that didn't phase me.
He said I am "not doing him any favors by letting him lead his life as he wants" in relation to me saying I had done a lot to try and be accommodating over the past 3 months. About living under the same roof "i cannot do it I cannot, I cannot, I cannot".
Now I'm basically forced into not living with him as he'll never concede. I just really can't believe this. All along I had so much hope and completely believed I had a good situation. I don't know what to do. He was even saying things like I should go back and live in the US 3 months, 6 months, whatever.
I made some mistakes. On IM I asked "and do you hope to love me again?" H says: it would be good to : it would be good to be happy with you
This is literally the worst I have felt this whole time. I think he has been lying to me all along about wanting to work things out. I just want to quit my job and go away.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I can't focus on anything right now. I am a complete wreck. If I leave Poland early then I am invading his space. I can't believe he hates me so much. I have never heard some hatred from him for anyone.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I'm sorry for this but....What do YOU want to do? Lets pretend he's not in the picture. A lot of people have been telling you to focus on what your interests are...But I notice that you have been living your life in Poland with the focus upon returning to Dublin. Have you really "seen" Warsaw through the eyes of a citizen and not a tourist? What do the locals do for fun? Have you tried that?
Let him miss you...not physically but emotionally.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I don't know right now. I don't know what to do. I am so distraught. I mean I go back to Dublin where we have a lease until June which is basically D-Day for when we'll need to make a decision about "us" and he so much as said so today. So I am stuck until then. I can't see clearly right now. I can't imagine doing anything here in Poland or in Dublin right now.
I am so upset. What I want is to leave Europe and go back to the US if in his mind it's a foregone conclusion. We will be broke for the next few months to facilitate H's angry loneliness.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
And again he IMd me about the budget. He is being a complete jerk. I have 2 hotel nights in Dublin there in relation to a trip I am taking. Really I should just be staying in our house. He said we need to be realistic that we may need the money for him to have somewhere to live. And I said that I just hated to give up the opportunity for a business trip and he said he liked having a roof over his head. PLEASE. He has one!!! It's not my fault he's so horrible that it seems like prison. I said just to figure out what he needs and we'll take it from there. Should I be so accommodating with everything? If I'm not, he says I'm bullying him.
I am pretty frustrated now.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Honey, why are you talking to him. You need to think things through without him IMing you. Please stop chatting with him.
What if Dublin wasn't an option? What would you do? Would you go back to the US? Would you stay in Poland? You seem to have a lot of choice professionaly. Let's not focus on your M for a moment and focus on you and your happiness with or without H.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
You need to relax. I know he has said some hurtful things but you can not take it personally. He is obviously going through something and he is lashing out at you because it obviously can't be his fault **said while rolling my eyes**.
Maybe today you need to cry, let it all out, scream on the top of your lungs. We do need that sometimes. But after you finish you NEED to concentrate on YOU. Take Jen's advice stroll through Warsaw go to tourist attractions. Do not stress about the future and this June D-day. SO much can happen from now until then and there is no point in getting worked up or stressed out about it now. Think short term goals. What can you do right now to make you feel better??
I'd go back to the US. We have pets in Dublin though and a lease through June so I can't back out on my commitments.
I am so torn. I could take a leave without pay and go away for a little while, but I feel like the adult thing to do is to try and be in the same city as H for a few months as he has said he wants to meet etc. Who knows if he actually does, but it is probably the only chance that we have. It's just that if he isn't through this thing by June, then I think he'll want to end it as that is when our lease is up. Neither of us wants to stay in Dublin past then really.
Ugh. I am not chatting with him anymore either. He IMd me first and I did ask if he ever got these books I sent him and he said no that it was a bad idea to send things to the house as then he has to pick them up at the post office. What a jerk. It was a gift and now he's angry about that too.
OK not going to say another word to him. I don't feel like I love this H anymore either. I am just sad to see our life get torn apart now.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I could have a fling with a man who actually likes me. I won't do this, but I know this is an option at the conference I want to attend. At least if I attend it I will get some male attention from someone who doesn't think I'm like a jail term.
Seriously have you heard such horrid things from your H???
I don't know WHAT I can do to make myself feel better :(. I know this is a bad attitude but I feel very trapped.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Please stop talking to him right now!!! No IMs don't accept any phone calls and if he emails DO NOT READ them now, or least respond.
He is being extremely selfish and hurting you right now. IGNORE him. You need to relax and let things simmer in your brain now.
I personally think that it is so unfair that he is laying all of the budget problems on you right now. If it is such a jail then he needs to figure out how to do it on his own. I'm sorry I just feel like kicking him for you!!
