New Thread-Husband Moved in With OW(T2L)

[hope3343]

Hello all,
Went for my nightly walk at the beach, it is the only thing keeping my sanity. It was almost dark as I walked barefoot in the tide, I take that time to either cry, reflect or pray. But as I was walking I kept thinking someone was walking behind me, I could actually hear the footsteps walking in the water, but everytime I turned there was noone and I was the only person there. Wonder if it God letting me know he is walking with me. I can't tell you how strange it was. Happened at least 3 times.
H came home from work late (probably with OW), and then goes out to buy football cleats and stops at Dillards and buys a polo shirt for only $22. He had to try on the shirt to see if I liked it??? For what -- when he goes out with her. He is spending money like crazy. $22 here, $50 here, etc...his credit card bill is way out of control. He still has told neither D that he is moving out next Wed. He also has packed nothing. He is having trouble sleeping. Guilt is weighing on him. I have been nice these last 3 days. This morning when he came to kiss me goodbye I wanted to just start crying. Yes he gives me a kiss/hug everytime he leaves the house, in the morning and at night. Go figure. And we still call each other Honey. Is it just old habits are hard to quit?

In my inventory of myself, I have realized I crippled him by doing everything for him. He never has looked at bills, he never cleans, cooks etc. I am worried when he goes on his own he will have to depend on OW since he is pretty much helpless. I know his apt. will be a mess unless someone cleans it for him.

T2L, 5 months? wow. These are the anniversaries none of us want. I think your 180 did make a difference to H. Keep it light, friendly etc. It is very frustrating waiting waiting waiting. I think it is also interesting that H never brought up D discussion. I would consider that good, because my H is already talking divorce and he is not out of the house. As far as work -- you will get there. I can tell from your posting you are well read, and articulate. I always worked but did not go to college till I was 40. I just started college when H and I almost broke up then. I told him at least wait till I get my associate. We ended working things out (that is when we should have gone to MC). Well I got my Assoc, BS and MA by the time I was 48. So it is never too late. You go girl. It will enpower you when you earn your own money and cut that dependency on H. Thanks so much for your e-mail. You KNOW I will be contacting you. I will pick my D28 brain for more info that might help us. Right now she is totally mad at H. I feel sorry when he calls her. She will expose him and not take any of his lies.

twinhope - welcome back. I am sure it was a sad time at funeral. I will also have to deal going back to CT at Xmas without H. I cannot imagine. 21 years and he will not be there. The wedding sounded interesting. Trying to act like things were ok. Glad your friend exposed him. He needed that. Yes men do go through MLC at 30. It happens when responsibilities, bills, careers start to get them down. Very very common. Interesting he changes jobs so frequently. Sounds like he is not happy in any facet of his life. Still think 21 year old will not put up with too much for too long. also I went on face book and found the OW was listed with no picture. It would not load her profile, so I think it was my computer. I need to try it somewhere else to see if it will download.

JGrind, you are sooo right about how they had it with material things like house, etc. We bought our house and it was much larger than I wanted it -- but H thought it would be great, now he is going into small apt. Really annoyed about that because if we bought what I wanted I could buy him out and afford on my own. Interesting all these H's are having alcohol problems etc. Your H wants to give up drinking but with all the sports stuff he is involved in -- it is like an alcoholic working in a bar.
I dread dealing with D15, she is more like H and I don't know if she will cut him off at the knees -- like he is doing to me. Already she shut her phone off the night he told her he would call and she did not want to talk to him if he was drinking. Your right she is in denial. The anger will not be pretty and with no family support here it will be on me. Her sister and her are close so I know they will support each other. I do not plan on telling my family till end of Nov. Not up to it yet.

And as far as him going into the closet..that was incredible. He might be coming out of the MLC fog. He is started to look back at memories and history. When a MLC H is in full grip they do not want to see happy pictures or talk of the past because it is all bad. He is seeking this out now.
I agree that you need to be more thoughtful with H. I know it is difficult because we are so much in pain, but they need to know we are changing. I have been treating my H as if I thought he had cancer but didn't want me to know. I cooked him a meal he loved last night, listened to him as he talked and stopped reading the paper and just trying to be kind. I keep telling myself he is a sick man, and it does help. Otherwise my full 100% Italian side comes out and I want to whack him. lol

Well let me go -- H just stopped at my desk. Do you know how hard it is just having him show up. I need time to get my game face on.
Peace to all of you.