Good to hear you'll be good regardless and that you're thinking of H's care too. If D is in my future, I hope to be as kind and not have H thinking I'm taking him for all I can. Keep H's dad in your prayers hon. It's hard for our H's to be going thru this and then lose someone on top of that.
It's not a matter of taking him for all you can get. If he hasn't got it to give at the moment, I can understand that, but is it possible to stipulate in the agreement that he'll give more later as he's able? You may be okay for now, but stuff comes up with kids. What happens later when they want to go to college? Just something to think about.
Would it be worth stalling the D to give him a chance to get back on his feet first? Or do you need to push it through in order to protect what assets you have now?
I know you want to be compassionate, but remember: he wasn't too concerned about you possibly having to go without health insurance.
I know all this is very hard, and you'll do whatever you think is best.
Okay - stop right now. Too many women here have made the mistake of being too generous to the WAS in the divorce settlement, out of pity and/or hopes of reconciliation, and lived to regret it bitterly in the future.
Most states have formulas for child support and alimony. They almost never leave the man in worse shape than the custodial mother. If he's having to live in a camper, it's because he's not managing his money well, spending it all on dates or drugs or eating out.
If you qualify for alimony in your state, request it. If you want to trade that for something else (like equity in the house)make a careful financial assessment. YOU are likely to be left with the financial responsibility for your kids, make sure you get the best deal possible so you can take care of them. Your H is likely to flame out at some point, and then you might not be able to get money from him; do whatever it takes to get in a financially stable place where you can raise your kids.
This is BUSINESS, and needs to be treated like business - no emotion. If you gave up significant opportunities for career advancement to raise your kids, alimony is a way to compensate you for that. If you'd never had kids and devoted yourself to your career, wouldn't you be making a lot more than you are now? Don't discount the value of what you gave up to be a mom.
Obviously, if both parents worked and had full-time daycare and household chores were split 50:50 and there were no pregnancy complications or effects on your employment, this would be different. I just don't know many couples where this description applies. In most cases, even working moms have somewhat "mommy-tracked" their careers in order to make things work during those years of childbearing and early childrearing, and there's almost always a financial toll to that.
My H isnt broke because he blows his money, he doesnt do drugs, or party or any of that. The one thing that takes most of his money is a loan that he took with him that we had together. One that I should have been half responsible for, but I told him that I werent going to help him pay it. His monthly payment is very high with it. I did tell him that my lawyer said that I could make a trade, I wouldnt take alimony and he could keep the whole loan and i wouldnt be responsible. I dont think my H would even be better off in a few years, he is stuck with this loan for about 6 years and he has a good job that pays the best in this area. I have a feeling he may even be homeless if his dad dies because his stepmom more than likely wont let him live in the camper anymore.
Really he has nothing left if I took alimony payments. I get enough child support to take care of me and my kids. Its just with the economy right now, my business is having a hard time and I am struggling to make ends meet. Im praying it will get better.
He seems to think if we divorce after January, I will have insurance till the end of the year. I need to check into that.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Well, if you traded debt for the alimony, that may make sense. Just curious, what was the loan taken out for? Was it just to cover general overspending, or was it to cover toys that he wanted?
According to my sister-in-law who is an atty. back east, and counselor, told me that the judge can and will order the spouse who has to pay child support, etc. to get a second job if one income is not enough.
Do not worry about him living on the streets. The judge can see to it he gets a second job.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I myself have been trying to find a 2nd job because STBX isn't paying child support let alone half of the debts racked up during our M and even McDonald's won't give me a job. They say they want part time help but when you list your availability and tell them honestly that you are only available evenings and weekends they immediately disregard your app. They want part-time help but you have to be full time available. How dumb is that?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Yep, I know. I looked for a job for 2 years before we had to file bk. I applied at grocery stores, Hallmark, any min wage job. Nothing. I too have been looking for a 2nd job with no luck.
