Searching for me again

[ACJ]

Thank you TL and YR. Please accept my apologies to those whose threads I normally read and respond to but at the moment I'm not able to look at them due to time committments. I will pick them up again soon though probably once D18 has started uni next week.

The meeting was ok. In one sense it did go well in that we came to some sort of an agreement. In another it didn't as if I can raise the sum agreed I will end up paying H three times what I thought I might have to. It will also involve him dropping his unreasonable behaviour suit for D and me putting in one for adultery (his). It essentially means he ends up paying nothing and I end up paying more than a year's salary which doesn't sit well with me but the alternative was to end up in court with out of control spiralling costs. I know I can raise the money. Whether I can afford to pay it back is something that I now have to look into over the next couple of days. If I can't we will have no choice but to go to court. It will be more costly for H and it will drag on longer. I don't want a D BUT I do want closure for mu kids if not for me. So it looks like I'll be working until I'm 90 to pay for Hs indiscretions but at least I'll be able to go to my death bed knowing that I tried, I have no regrets, I conducted myself with integrity and honesty and I showed my children that marriage is worth fighting for. I will not feel the huge amoung of guilt that I suspect H will have to atone for at some point in his life.

So on the face of it I am the winner just not financially.