Doesn't have to mean anything I know, but it's a step away from your H that's been the most meaningful, I think???
BM I think you are right. I have had male attention before now but in the past I have always been with my two friends that I met via the social network club. For various reasons they have both dropped off the radar at the moment and so I got that attention all to myself. It was good harmless fun. We had drinks in very crowded places. I have to add also that it was only two drinks b/c everywhere was closing. I was tucked up in my own bed (by myself) by 1.30am
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Also glad you have some good news. Hope it keeps rolling on in that direction
Me too. I will know more after Oct 8th.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
H is now trying to manipulate S16 into not staying over with me. Over the course of the next few months I will be able to give S16 a lift to college as I have meetings at the uni across the road. S16 and I have discussed this and have decided that it will be easier for him to stay the night before so that we don't both have to get up early in order for me to pick him up. He is supposed to be coming over tonight. However when I TMd to suggest he came home with D13 (she has gone to Hs for tea tonight - first time in months) he replied that H was not happy with our arrangement as he is concerned S16 won't do his homework or get enough sleep! WTF!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
This is going to sound off the wall but is it possible that your H is so insecure that he thinks that the kids, under your supervision and under your roof actually do well? He wants you to be seen as failing as a parent and hates the thought that your kids are capable of doing their work, getting up to go to school, etc.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MWG and Andabelle you may both be right. My personal opinion is that all of this is about money. He thinks if S16 stays with me on a regular basis he will have to start paying maintenance again. If he D13 to live with him I will have to sell the house. Money is his only motivator!
When H brought D13 and S16 home last night he actually came to the door with them. He wanted to speak to me in private but wouldn't come in the house! So our 'private' convo had to be out on our drive. He wanted me to give him reassurance that I wouldn't encourage/invite S16 to stay the night again during the week! I told him I could not and would not give that assurance as S16 was old enough to make his own decisions about when he wanted to spend time with me. He said the only time S16 has not done his homework since he started college last week was when he came to stay with me. I reminded him that I hadn't picked S16 up until at least 7.45 and so H should've made sure he had done his homework whilst still at his flat. He said S16 had promised him he would do it at my house. I told him in that case he should have told me of this arrangement so that I could make sure it was upheld.
S16 was furious that he H wanted to exclude him from this convo and eventually came out. D13 told her dad that I had never stopped them seeing him and he shouldn't stop them seeing me. H told S16 that he could spend all weekend with me if he wanted but as S16 pointed out he works all weekend and so that would mean we would never see each other.
Things were getting heated and so I just said 'S16 your dad clearly doesn't want you to see me at all. Just come inside and I will sort this on your behalf at a more appropriate and time and not in the street'. H was livid. He told me (in front of the children) that I was a liar and that I would live to regret what I had just said. Then he flounced off. I was happy with my conduct.
Five mins later S16 got a call from H (and he spoke to D13 as well) apologising for losing his temper. He then phoned again another 5 mins later saying that he shouldn't have called me a liar in front of them and that he should've kept it to himself. S16 told him in no uncertain terms that either way he would see me when he wanted to.
S16 did go out to see his friends. He rarely sees them now that he lives with H. He was home earlier than I stipulated. We spent the rest of the evening having a cuddle (something we haven't done since he was about 8) and just chatting about college and about how he feels affected by the D process. It was a good calm chat. I feel my son will eventually come home (something I thought I would never feel), it will be a while but I am happy to wait while he processess information and life for himself.
Tomorrow is the dreaded meeting between me, H and the Ls. He let slip last night that he intends to talk about custody issues as well as money so i have phoned my L to give her the heads up. I've bought a very sexy new suit (which will also double up for another occasion I have on 8th Oct). I am calm. I know I will come out of this with my head held high. I don't think I can say the same for H.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Hi ACJ, Your H is a piece of work (as Snodderly puts it)! I wish you good luck in tomorrow's meeting.
It must have been nice to have a cuddle with S16. Your pour kids are in the middle of it all and surely have a hard time dealing with it. I hope for you that your S16 will come back to you in the end.
Thank you TL and YR. Please accept my apologies to those whose threads I normally read and respond to but at the moment I'm not able to look at them due to time committments. I will pick them up again soon though probably once D18 has started uni next week.
The meeting was ok. In one sense it did go well in that we came to some sort of an agreement. In another it didn't as if I can raise the sum agreed I will end up paying H three times what I thought I might have to. It will also involve him dropping his unreasonable behaviour suit for D and me putting in one for adultery (his). It essentially means he ends up paying nothing and I end up paying more than a year's salary which doesn't sit well with me but the alternative was to end up in court with out of control spiralling costs. I know I can raise the money. Whether I can afford to pay it back is something that I now have to look into over the next couple of days. If I can't we will have no choice but to go to court. It will be more costly for H and it will drag on longer. I don't want a D BUT I do want closure for mu kids if not for me. So it looks like I'll be working until I'm 90 to pay for Hs indiscretions but at least I'll be able to go to my death bed knowing that I tried, I have no regrets, I conducted myself with integrity and honesty and I showed my children that marriage is worth fighting for. I will not feel the huge amoung of guilt that I suspect H will have to atone for at some point in his life.
So on the face of it I am the winner just not financially.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
How does that work?! I am so sorry you will have to pay so much (I NEVER thought his unreasonable behavior allegation against you would to fly). Is it because you have to buy out his half of the house/ pay your half of mutual debt?
