I totally understand. I felt the same way too. Others here and some of my friends don't feel the need for the divorce. Even my L asked my why I wanted one. But some situations warrant it. My ex was very unpredictable and volatile. He even spent all of our daugther's education fund. Not someone I wanted attached to me financially in any way at all.
Times makes the pain go away. I will not ever forget what has happened but I do forget details until someone mentions them. Like yesterday - my best friend was saying how she remembers seeing me in a police car (that was 26 years ago this month). Ex had been suicidal (made several different types of attempts on the same day). The cops had found him in his car after overdosing on antidepressants. He had lay down to die. They came and got me, told me and took me to the hospital. I had remembered some of his attempts but had forgotten this part of it all. Part of me still wonders why I worked so hard to keep him alive and motivated only to have him hurt me so cruelly later on.
Sorry, off on a tangent. But I guess I'm trying to say that the memories dull after a while until it is brought up. It never goes away - it is part of your history, but it will get better.
Get your finality. You will move forward much faster in your life after that.
